Ta Ta For Now
by kclynne
Summary: Buffy is popular in high school who meets a handsome new student, but she is haunted by a deep emotional past.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Ta Ta For Now

Author: Kristian

E-Mail:

Summary: Buffy is a popular girl at Sunnydale High who has the (mis)fortune of meeting a very handsome stranger and new student in school. But, Buffy harbors a deep emotional past.

Rating: R-NC-17

Pairing: B/A, B/?, W/O, X/C, C/D, X/Anya, F/W possible Fa/G,

Category: Completely AU

AN: Buffy isn't totally "in" character. She still has a lot of the same traits, but she's involved in a bit more being the "popular" one.

AN2: I wrote this fanfic WAAAAAAAY back in 2004, I was still in high school (as a senior) and just recently added the last 5 chapters. SOOOO, if there are any inconsistencies in time, just ignore. It is mostly just supposed to take place in the "present".

Chapter 1

The morning hours made their appearance of yet another day. The relatively quiet community of Sunnydale California woke up and went about the day. Kids rushing off to school, parents and adults heading off to work alike. It was seven thirty in the morning and it was sunny, seventy five degrees and cloudless as per usual.

In a house on Revello Drive, 1630 to be exact, the eldest daughter of Hank and Joyce Summers was just rolling over in her twin sized, extremely comfortable bed to turn off her annoying alarm clock. It always seemed to her like it was a stray cat that begged for food, so she fed it and it would go away.

Whining slightly, she really hated getting up for Monday morning school. Monday's and Thursday's she hated the most. Monday's weren't the weekend anymore and Thursday wasn't Friday.

Knowing she had to get up, she opened her sleepy emerald eyes as best she could. Yawning, she stumbled into the bathroom connected to her room. Wincing slightly as she turned on the light, she allowed her eyes to adjust to the brightness. When they did a few seconds later, she put in her latest mix CD in her player to listen to as she showered. She loved to listen to music as she showered.

/I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh/

She cut off that song, thinking that it was WAY too early in the morning for depressing music. While the rhythm was upbeat, the lyrics certainly weren't.

Pressing the "skip" button a few more times, she finally found the perfect song. The first few beats of the piano being played brought a calm, serene feeling within her soul.

/I don't need to be anything other, then a prison guard's son, I don't need to be anything other then a specialist's son, I don't have to be anyone other then a birth of two souls in one, Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from/

The song continued as Buffy scrubbed, and rinsed and made herself smell like a goddess. She dreamed of a life like that of the song. She didn't really like who she was, but being in high school and being a cheerleader meant that she was popular. She had to maintain that image. After she was out of the shower, she added some Victoria's Secret, Passionate Kisses lotion. Smoothing it up and down her newly shaven legs, she jerked when she heard the next song come on her CD player.

/I missed you so much that I begged you to fly and see me, You must've broke down 'cause you said you would, But now that you're here I feel like I'm constantly dreaming, Well something's gotta go wrong 'cause I'm feelin' way too damn good/

In her bedroom, filled with sunshine rays from her windows, Buffy walked right over to her closet and promptly picked out her outfit for the day. As she set it down on her bed, she grabbed her blow dryer and turned it on high. After a few minutes of her drying her hair, it was finally done. Flipping her head back up, she brushed it out so it looked perfect.

With a smile of beautiful white teeth, she stood in front of her dresser and got out her makeup for the morning. She had a tube of mascara, an eye liner pencil, some blush, and some lip gloss. After she was finished, she sighed and made her way over to her bed. Taking off her robe, Buffy put on her favorite shirt, a blue sweater and a medium length black skirt. Putting on her Eiffel Tower shoes, she did a once more check in the mirror and was glad with what she saw.

Walking, or rather clonking down the stairs, Buffy grabbed a piece of toast for breakfast, her bag and she was out the door. Checking to make sure she had money in her bag, she was relieved to see that her mom had put in five dollars for today's and tomorrow's lunch.

Looking up, she pulled out her keys of her black school bag and a few minutes later she was driving her 2000 Audi off to yet another boring day of school.

First Hour: Algebra II

As the math teacher droned on and on and on about functions and foiling, Buffy couldn't have even more bored if she was watching a mime. She disliked math. Ironically it was the most logical thing on the planet and yet it had no logic to her. Trying her best to pay attention, it was sadly shortened when her best friend Willow tossed her a note from the desk next to her.

Buffy hid the note from the teacher's view and opened it underneath her table. It read: "How was UR WKND?"

Shrugging, she wrote down, "O-K, NM went on,"

Tossing it back to Willow, Willow opened it under the teacher's non-awareness and related to how Buffy's weekend went. Quickly she scribbled down a new question for Buffy to read.

"RU eating lunch w/ UR BF?" Buffy read as she opened up the note and looked around to see him sitting there, looking so, so, bland. It wasn't that she didn't care for Riley, she did, he was just so boring. All he ever seemed to want to talk about was either sports or himself.

Buffy looked back at the piece of notebook paper sitting in her lap and attempted to write her answer when her math teacher called on her for the answer. Glancing up at the problem for a second, she said, "2x-7 and 2x+7." Her teacher wrote it down, it being the correct answer and Buffy wondered, "Where in the hell did that come from?" as did Willow.

Looking up at the clock, it was 10:06 and the bell we about to ring any second. The moment the minute hand made its way to 10:07, Buffy was out of her hardest class of the day. Finally, the gods showed mercy and it rang on schedule. Buffy gathered her books and walked out of the room with Willow answering her final question.

"I don't know. I'm gonna break up with him today," Buffy explained.

Willow understood. They'd had a talk about her relationship with Riley about a week ago and Buffy had decided that she'd give him another week, just because Homecoming was this week, but she couldn't take it anymore! She'd rather have that awkwardness with him at the dance then go through another hair-ripping week as his girlfriend.

"I understand," Willow comforted.

As they walked the halls to their lockers, they were greeted by Willow's boyfriend Oz. Oz was a man of few words but when he did say something, it was worth listening for. He also is lead guitarist in the band "Dingoes Ate My Baby," currently looking for gigs. Willow's excited smile came upon her warm face as Oz took her hand in his and walked the halls with them.

After reaching her locker, Buffy grabbed her books for her next class and shut her locker door like a drone. She wasn't expecting Riley to show up and walk her to her next class. When he asked her where she wanted to eat lunch, Buffy simply told him, "I can't today Riley. Willow's gonna help me with some math,"

"I can help you with math sweetie," he said sweetly making Buffy gag. She suspected that he knew what she was planning to do and wanted to try and change her view of him at the last minute to maybe re-think her decision. Buffy was a woman who knew what she wanted and she went for it. What she wanted was Riley out of her life. At least in the boy friend sense. There were few occasions with boys that she REALLY liked that she became a bit shy, but she was relatively shy around new people and if they were HOT to boot, it was just a bad mix for Buffy.

Walking down the hallways, she drowned Riley out of her ears like she did every day and just tried to concentrate on NOT breaking up with him now. She'd wait until next hour. That way, it'd be newer news during lunch than if she broke up with him before second.

Making a whining sound, she put on the happy girlfriend persona and wanted to yak when he kissed her on the cheek. Wiping it off after he left, Buffy sat down for her next hour and silently waited until it was lunch time.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Lunch Time:

The cafeteria and the quad were both full of students eating their lunches and talking and laughing with their friends. Most of the time, Buffy and her co. ate in doors but she felt that today they should eat out doors. Breaking up with someone is always better done outside so there's not a hundred people staring at you in silence while you tell the dumpee why you don't want to be with them anymore.

Grabbing a ham and turkey sandwich, Buffy was craving sustenance. While the school's food wasn't her first choice of where she wanted to eat and what she wanted to eat, it would do. Food was food and by golly, she was HUNGRY!

Grabbing Willow, Xander and Cordelia, Buffy told them that they should eat lunch out side. As Willow did the "good friend" thing and carried out her lunch for her as she went to go see Riley, she told him to meet her outside, she wanted to talk to him about something.

With an excited grin on his face, he couldn't help but think that maybe she was ready to go to the next level in their relationship. They'd been dating for six months and Buffy was a beautiful girl. She'd had boyfriends before him, he was sure. He'd heard what the guys said about her, it was one of the main reasons he asked her out in the first place. When she didn't screw him after the first month, he thought that maybe she really liked him thus boosting his ego a bit.

As she turned around to walk back outside she bumped right into a much larger someone wearing a pair of tight blue jeans, an old beat up white shirt and a leather jacket.

"Don't you know it's like seventy five out?" she asked him, not even apologizing for bumping into him.

"What are you, my mother? What do you care if I want to wear my jacket?" he asked her, his low voice sounding more like a purr then a rumble. Interestingly, she found it rather sexy.

"Whatever, don't you have an elsewhere to be?" she sneered at the gorgeous man. How could she have been going to this school forever and not notice him? What was she? BLIND?

"Oh I'm sorry your royal highness, I was getting my food when you ran into me," he sneered in return.

Turning on her heel, she huffed and walked away from him. No matter how gorgeous he may be, he still seemed like an asshole and she was NOT about to go through another one of those types of relationships. She'd already had her fill a year ago with her boyfriend before Riley. She didn't want to think about him now.

Making her way out the doors to the quad, she found her friends sitting on a bench and on the ground with their food eating away and enjoying life merrily.

She laughed at the picture they made and joined them happily. Her happiness was disturbed when Riley put his hand on her shoulder and asked her what she wanted to talk to him about.

Her face becoming serious, Buffy told him point blank, "I think we should break up,"

"I feel the sa-" he started to say and then stopped when he realized what she had said. "Did you just say that you want to break up?"

Nodding her head, she said, "Yep, sorry Riley, but you're just not the guy for me," she patted him on the shoulder in mock fashion and skipped over to her friends who were enjoying lunch on this beautiful day.

Shrugging it off, Riley went back inside and was back to following girls around at their heels like little puppy-dogs begging for something wet. (AN: Pun intended) This was high school, if Buffy wasn't gonna give it up for him, he'd find someone who would.

Fourth Hour:

Buffy made her way to the library for her fourth hour. She was an aide, an easy A, and the librarian didn't have anything for her to do. Looking around, it felt weird. It was one of the first days in a long time that she didn't have any pressure on her shoulders. Her math was done, Riley was over and done with and her French class was going well. Her relief was faded when she realized that it was homecoming week and while she didn't have anything to do now, she was sure that she would by the end of the day. She groaned in anticipation.

Seeing no one on the computer, she grabbed the blue rolly-chair and popped a squat in front of the DELL screen. Clicking on the "Internet Explorer" icon on the desktop, Buffy waited for the home page to pop up. When it did, she typed in her e-mail address and went to check out her e-mail. She had four new messages.

One was from Willow, one was from Hotmail Staff, one from her cousin Fred and one from a guy that she'd talked to once about a month ago. Her friends, mostly Willow (who knew Buffy's feelings for Riley) signed her on line and pushed her to talk to this guy that one of their friends knew. They didn't tell her his name. They said it was part of the mystery.

She saw that his little Messanger Guy was up next to the title of his e-mail. Clicking on it, she started to talk to him.

Cookiedough1999: Hey.

Sexy_badass: Hey cutie.

Cookiedough1999: How RU?

Sexy_badass: I'm good. Thinking about stuff.

Cookiedough1999: Oh yeah?

Sexy_badass: mostly you

Cookiedough1999: ME?

Sexy_badass: No, the other you. Yes you. :D

Cookiedough1999: Nut. Will you ever tell me your name?

Sexy_badass: Nope. Will you tell me yours?

Cookiedough1999: Why would I tell you mine if you won't tell me yours?

Sexy_badass: Cuz.

Cookiedough1999: Hmm, well in that case…

Sexy_badass: hey it was worth a shot

Cookiedough1999: how old are you?

Sexy_badass: 19 u?

Cookiedough1999: 18

Sexy_badass: What are you up to?

Cookiedough1999: nm, just hanging out in the library.

Sexy_badass: Are you in school?

Cookiedough1999: Yep but not for long. I've only got until 3:00 here then I'm out for the day.

Sexy_badass: Where do you live?

Cookiedough1999: Where do YOU live?

Sexy_badass: LA

Cookiedough1999: Sunnydale

Sexy_badass: Really? I had an ex go there

Cookiedough1999: Really? What's her name? Maybe I know her

Sexy_badass: Nah, I wouldn't want to do that. If you are friends I know for a fact that she'd freak if one her friends was talking to her ex-boyfriend.

Cookiedough1999: Understandable.

Sexy_badass: Well, I better let you go. Don't want to get you in trouble.

Cookiedough1999: Okay, well I'll talk to you soon.

Sexy_badass: TTFN.

Cookiedough1999: TTFN too.

She exited the conversation box and sighed. While she understood the code of women and the law of not talking to friends ex-boyfriend, she couldn't help but wonder who in the hell it was that he had dated at Sunnydale High. Shrugging she figured that she could get it out of him soon enough.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Fifth Hour:

Buffy dragged her body and her French book and binder into the stuffy classroom. Realizing she forgot her pencil, she groaned and then ran as fast as she could back to her locker to retrieve the missing item. She was extremely glad that her locker was closer to her French room then her Math room.

Upon retrieving the missing item, Buffy turned from her locker muttering, "Gotchya,"

As she muttered to herself she didn't see the person that she bumped into. Again for the second time that day.

"Oh I'm so-" Buffy started to say when she looked up at the person she knocked into.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't her royal highness," the boy said taunting Buffy. "In a rush?" he asked her taking his time in a sarcastic way.

"I don't have to explain myself to you," she said rudely. "Now if you would move I could get to French class," she told him expecting him to move.

He didn't move.

Looking at him, she scoffed and went around him since he wasn't moving out of her way. Brushing her golden locks behind her hair she secretly muttered every obscenity she could remember to call that jerk. He was a very attractive jerk but a jerk none the less. He REALLY did remind her of-

"Don't think about him now Buffy, don't think about him at all. He's out of your life and he's not coming back. He treated you badly and he'll never change," she told herself as she breathed in and out to calm her nerves.

Glancing over her shoulder to look back at him, she saw him staring at her ass as she walked away and rolled her eyes in disgust. He in turn, smirked, pleasantly at the bombshell that was walking away from him.

Both shook their heads thinking that they'd never understand the other.

At Home:

Buffy flopped on her bed, completely dead from her day. Her last hour always took all of her energy out of her. During that hour, Buffy and Willow laughed and giggled in French as Buffy told her about her chat with Mr. Sexy Badass. She'd come to the conclusion that she'd have to talk to him for a bit longer to make any sorts of decisions on whether or not she wanted to have him in her life.

While her motto was: Seize the day- she didn't want that day to end in a horrible axe murder of her body. Groaning, knowing that she should finish her French vocabulary, she opened up her book and engrossed in the study that was French.

She looked up when she heard the little "ding" on her computer and saw that Willow and Xander were on-line.

Smiling, she thought, "French can wait a little bit,"

Sitting in her chair, she saw the chat box already on her screen that was filled with pictures of really hot guys like Matt Damon and Orlando Bloom.

Science_nerd: Hey Buff

Cookiedough1999: Hey Wills

Class_Clown: Buff! Babe!

Cookiedough1999: Xand! Dork!

Science_nerd: You guys are too funny.

Cookiedough1999: Aww, hear that Xand? You're funny

Class_Clown: haha Buff. So what's on tap for today's convo?

Cookiedough1999: Will did you get all the stuff done for S.C?

Science_nerd: No, I'm gonna need you to make some more copies tomorrow and then I'll talk to the office and see where we can bring in the court.

Cookiedough1999: Coolie. I'll go around and make sure that all the available ballots are in.

Class_Clown: Student Council stuff is so demanding

Cookiedough1999: But it looks good on a college app.

Science_nerd: That it does

Class_Clown: Eh, whatever. Anyone do their math?

Cookiedough1999: I did

Science_nerd: I did

Science_nerd: You did Buffy?

Cookiedough1999: Why do you sound so shocked?

Science_nerd: well…

Cookiedough1999: I know Buffy + Math= not good, but FOILing isn't hard, at least I don't think so.

Class_Clown: How do you do #34?

Science_nerd: It's okay Xand, bring it tomorrow morning and I'll help ya

Class_Clown: Will! You're my savior! TY!

Science_nerd: NP

Cookiedough1999: Oh, gotta go guys. I'll be back later.

Science_nerd: k ttyl

Class_Clown: Ditto

Buffy set her status to "Away" and went downstairs for some food. Food was her god most days. Especially if it was being made by the good people at Pizza Hut. Trolliping down the stairs Buffy called, "What's for dinner?"

No one answered.

Scrunching her nose, she walked into the kitchen and found a note with a ten attached to it. The note read:

Buffy, here's some $ for pizza. (Pizza Doc! Hehe)

Mom

There was no, "We'll be back later" or "I love you," just, "Here's some $ for pizza,"

She rolled her eyes and said aloud sarcastically, "Gee, thanks for the love mom, really got the message there,"

Picking up the receiver she dialed the number for a local pizza joint called "The Slice". After ordering a small pizza she waited for the pizza man to deliver. While she was sitting on her magenta couch, her mind couldn't wonder from the man she had talked to on-line earlier and the man she kept bumping into. Sneering slightly towards the man/boy that she ran into twice today she really wanted to know why guys had to be like that. Why did guys have to be such jerks sometimes?

The doorbell ringing pulled her out of her thoughts as she got up to pay the man who was bringing her food. Giving the man the money for her dinner, she let him keep the change and closed the door behind her, taking in the enthralling smell of the cheese.

She moaned in gratification as she bit into her first piece. Pizza was heaven and she wanted to stay there forever.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Unfortunately, she didn't stay in heaven forever. Her French book and homework were calling her name like an owner calling for its dog.

A half hour later, Buffy put her pencil down, proud that she had beaten the evil little French book and her evil little teacher who had assigned the homework. Smirking she glanced at the clock and saw that it was a little after seven o'clock. Rolling her eyes, what was she going to do for three or four hours until she went to bed?

As if on cue, on her computer, she heard a little noise and saw the flashing orange sign on her task bar telling her someone was saying hello.

Opening the message box Buffy saw the name and smiled to herself.

Sexy_badass: Are you there?

Cookiedough1999: I'm here

Sexy_badass: Why are you away?

Cookiedough1999: evil French homework had me detained

Sexy_badass: Ahh, you're not busy now are you?

Cookiedough1999: No actually you have good timing, I just got done

Sexy_badass: Go me

Cookiedough1999: lol

Sexy_badass: So, tell me about yourself

Cookiedough1999: Well, I'm a senior at SHS, I am active in school, I LOVE to be involved with things

Sexy_badass: Busy little bee?

Cookiedough1999: pretty much…

Sexy_badass: anything interesting happen today in the life of SHS?

Cookiedough1999: Ummm… well, I broke up with my bf today

Sexy_badass: Ouch. Any reason?

Cookiedough1999: he made mimes look appealing

Sexy_badass: wow that's pretty bad

Cookiedough1999: yeah

Sexy_badass: So you got someone in mind that you like?

Cookiedough1999: maaaay-beeee

Sexy_badass: *looks at you*

Cookiedough1999: What? *innocent look*

Sexy_badass: lol

Sexy_badass: there's gotta be someone that you like

Cookiedough1999: no, but a guy that I keep running into school reminds me a LOT of my ex-boyfriend

Sexy_badass: how so?

Cookiedough1999: well he's got the "attitude", you know the "don't fuck with me" attitude

Sexy_badass: yeah

Cookiedough1999: just the way that he thinks that he's hot shit just hits a nerve

Sexy_badass: well I'm sorry that this punk is making you think of bad memories

Cookiedough1999: thanks, I'll be okay tho

Sexy_badass: well in case of future reference, I used to be one of "those" kind of guys but I've had a few life altering events that have made me re-think the choices I make

Cookiedough1999: well that's good to hear that you've changed

Sexy_badass: yeah, listen I'm sorry to have to go so quickly, but the life of a mechanic calls me to duty.

Cookiedough1999: that's okay, I had a nice time chatting with you, maybe next time you can tell me about yourself

Sexy_badass: but where would the fun be in that? *wink*

Cookiedough1999: hehe… riiiight

Sexy_badass: I'll talk to you later

Cookiedough1999: yep, have a good night

Sexy_badass: you too

::Sexy_badass has signed off::

Looking at her screen, she smiled softly thinking that he seemed pretty nice. She doubted that Willow especially would set her up with some old guy that got his rocks off by talking with teenage girls. She trusted Willow's judgment more then she trusted her mother most days.

She left her desk and scanned her room for no reason. Seeing her bed, her closet-o-clothes, just everything that said, "Buffy", she couldn't help but think back to where she was two years ago. How her life had changed. How it changed drastically because she came to Sunnydale.

Her family life hadn't changed, they were still not there, but Buffy didn't have the support system where she used to live like she did there in Sunnydale. She didn't have a Willow or a Xander. She used to have a Faith but that all turned to shit. SO not wanting to go down that road ever again in her life, she sighed to herself and decided that NOW would be the best time to listen to Broken.

_/I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't fee right when you're gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away/

Wiping away the tears that had been coursing down her cheeks, her thoughts were still upon on that one man that had forever changed her life. The first man that she truly loved with all her heart and soul. The only man that she had given herself to. Most days she was fine without him, but other days, like now, she missed the times that he had been the man she fell in love instead of the monster he could have been.

Not even bothering to throw on typical pajamas like she normally would, Buffy threw on a sweatshirt and some fleece pants to sleep in. Pulling her hair into a pony-tail, her mood hadn't faltered. Her face was a mask of stone cold feeling. Her green eyes almost as dead as the ones that haunted most of her nights. She feared that those eyes that she once looked upon with love would forever wake her up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The night dragged on long. The wind was howling louder then a wolf and the tree branches were going back and forth in a violent pattern. It wasn't as bad as what Buffy was experiencing though. Buffy had been tossing and turning all night trying to out run someone or something. She kept moving her head back and forth, as if trying to say, "no".

When she dreamt of him, there were typical dreams. Some were those based on real events that had occurred and those that she was terrified of happening to her if he ever came back into her life.

This dream wasn't any different. It was one based on real events. She had been so terrified that night, the first night that she had witnessed her oh-so-beloved-boyfriend behaving like she would never forget.

It was always so clear and clean cut in her dreams. Everything was exact, like she was re-living it over and over and over again every time she dreamt about it. It got to be so creepy she could feel his breathe on her neck. She could feel his hands connecting with her body. His voice; she'd never forget his voice. It had always made shivers run up and down her spine.

With his voice, it also made it hard for her to ignore the smell of whiskey and cigarettes from his breath. The drunken stupor in her eyes made her stomach flip flop in nervousness. Sometimes, even if he had been drunk, he wouldn't touch her. Other times… those were where the nightmares came from.

The first night, there had been a party at his apartment. She had been sixteen, a sophomore in high school, an innocent child in the world of drinking, drugs and sex. They had been dating a while, a few months, and they had made it to third base a few times, but she had never been in a serious relationship before so she had wanted to take things slow. He had obliged, making her feel safe, warm, loved even. No man had ever made her feel loved. Not even her father loved her. At least if he did, he never told her or showed her the tiniest inclination that he might.

Everywhere she looked that night, people were dancing, smoking, drinking or making out. She hadn't been a big fan of drinking, but she had a few. It wasn't drinking that turned her off, it was the "getting drunk and puking the night out" that got to her. She liked to get buzzed, not drunk. She liked being in that state of "yay".

Looking around the smoke filled atmosphere, she found the object of her affection. He was mingling with his friends as he held a bottle of Jack in his large hands. Buffy could see that he had been drinking quite a bit. It was half full at the beginning of the night about an hour ago and now it was down to a quarter full. She could tell without listening to him speak that he was drunk. His whole demeanor screamed it.

Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was almost twelve. She was exhausted. She had had midterms that day and had gotten very little sleep the night before. She had been studying more than half the night and it didn't help when he had showed up and they had gotten into a huge argument.

"Hey Buff," he said as he surprised her with wrapping his arms around her waist. Bringing his head down to her neck, with the music blaring in the background, he whispered in her ear very drunkenly, "Dance with me,"

The comfort of his body pressed against her back was too much. She was still mightily pissed off at him and it didn't help the fact that he was drunk off his ass. She unwrapped his arms from her waist and she told him, "Not right now,"

Taking offence that his girlfriend didn't want to be touched by him, plus all the alcohol buzzing in his system, he started to make a scene.

"What? You don't want me to touch you? You're my girlfriend! Why are you being such a bitch?"

The music had stopped and everyone was staring at them in the middle. Buffy, who had never been good in front of people, looked around nervously and embarrassingly. Looking into his eyes she resolved a bit of herself and pulled him in closer so not to embarrass him.

"Look, you're drunk so why don't you save yourself and me the embarrassment. Just walk away. Go back to your bottle of Jack and go back to what you were being excellent at all night: ignoring me." She threw back in his face.

Turning around, she started to walk away from him and the crowd of people. She just needed to be alone right now. She didn't want to cry, but she just needed some space. She needed time to cool off, and to take a few big breaths.

Before she could reach the doorway to his room, she heard the front door open and close several times. She knew what he was doing. He was getting rid of everyone so they could do this privately. As it was meant to be in the first place.

"BUFFY!" she heard him yell at her and then shook his own head from the noise he made.

Shooting her head behind her shoulder to look at him, she saw even MORE people in the apartment. He wasn't letting people go, people had been coming in. What the hell was he trying to pull?

Marching right back over to him, she said in an angry tone, "What the fuck are you trying to prove?"

The drunkenness was starting to wear off. When he stepped forward his steps weren't swaggering. Standing in front of her, he towered over her with his massive height. If he were anyone else, she would gulp and have a bit more fear in her eyes, but this was- it was the man that she had fallen hopelessly in love with. This was her teddy-bear at night.

"What? Are you afraid of something Buff? You afraid of all these people around? You afraid that you might ruin that "oh so innocent, I'm gonna be a martyr act" that you've got going on? You afraid of actually growing up and becoming an adult instead of a scared insecure little girl all the time? Running to ME with your problems all the time?" he told her cruelly.

Seeing the tears start to form in her eyes, he continued to mock her, "What are you gonna cry now? Can't you take anything like a man Buff?"

Turning away she walked away from him. This time she made it into his bedroom as she heard the music continue and she heard his laughter. Mocking her she was sure. She looked around his room and laid down on his bed. Letting a few treacherous tears fall down her cheeks, she snuggled into his pillow creating a comfy zone for herself.

Two hours later, she woke up suddenly when she heard the door slam shut. Looking up, her eyes not seeing his form clearly, she felt his weight on the end of the bed. Not wanting to face him after the shit he said to her, she kept her face away from him.

Placing his hand on her shoulder, she flinched slightly. His hands were freezing. It reminded her of how cold he had been earlier. That man that had called her all those names was NOT the boyfriend she knew and loved.

Leaning down, she felt his lips on her bare shoulder. Resting his head on her shoulder he whispered to her in the darkness, "I'm sorry baby,"

She still felt awkward, it was a feeling similar to when you haven't talked to your best friend in months and then you see them, and there's that weird silence between you. She wasn't sure what to say. She was SOO angry at him, but she let it go for the night. He said that he was sorry. He probably didn't even know what he was doing when he did it.

She sighed and fell back asleep with his arms safely tucked around her waist and their hands entwined.

Buffy woke up, her eyes flashing brilliantly up at her ceiling. That was how it all began. From that night on, she had believed things would change. Unfortunately they had gone the other way then what she had been thinking. It only got worse after that.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Looking at her clock it was quarter after four in the morning. She still had a few hours on her before she had to get up to go to school. Falling back asleep she didn't dream of him again that night. Instead she dreamt of hanging out with her best friends. She had been looking forward to the weekend all week. School was in that place of "I don't really want to be here anymore, when the HELL do I graduate?" stage.

She decided to go downstairs, and get herself a glass of water to drink. That usually helped her sleep. Something to take her mind off of her dream even for a second, would allow her the peace to once again return to the dream world. Making her way down the cold stairs, her feet felt like ice blocks. She tried to be as quiet as possible to not wake her parents.

After retrieving what she had set out to get, she made her way back up those cold steps and back to her dark bedroom with her comfortable sheets. Taking a few sips, she pulled the covers up to her neck and closed her eyes. The thoughts of him a thousand miles away, she fell asleep and dreamed of having a very nice date with Matt Damon.

The week passed with ease. Buffy didn't have anymore nightmares and finally it was Thursday. The morning came like any other. The sun shining through Buffy's window and Buffy waking up to her annoying alarm clock. She had set her radio on the night before and the song playing, like every other time, made her flinch.

/ I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears/

Shutting it off as quickly as it was on, Buffy went about her morning. By the time she reached the school twenty minutes later, the entire morning and nightmare from the night before were long out of her mind. She had a lot of stuff to accomplish at school. After all, since Willow and her were the only ones running Homecoming, they had work to do. Willow had already gotten the gym use approval for the dance after the game, and Buffy herself had gone around to the elementary school and the middle school and asked two teachers to be judges along with two high school teachers.

It was fourth hour, right after lunch, Willow had given her a sheet of paper to make copies of and hand out during fourth hour to all the Class Advisors so they knew what was going on. After making about ten copies, Buffy was on a mission to hand them out. She had decided that once that was taken care of, she'd go and fill in the judges on where to meet and such.

Buffy had only handed out one sheet, (and that was to the Spanish teacher), before they hit a major problem. When Buffy had gone to deliver the paper to the Biology teacher, before Buffy could continue on her journey, the teacher called her back. Ms. Jacobson, her name was, had informed Buffy, that where the floats were going to come in at in the back of the football field was NOT a place that they could.

Sighing and explaining that Buffy wasn't the one that had decided that that's where they were going to come in at, she made her way across the school and into the math room. She knocked and patiently waited for Ms. Wood to answer. She felt a pang of guilt for interrupting their class but it was something that they needed to take care of that second. Homecoming was the next day, they needed to do it NOW.

Walking over to Willow, she told her the problem and Willow informed her that she had it okay'd to use the back of the football field. They usually used the side of the elementary school but they'd had a problem with electrical wiring every year and this year because of the theme, there was no way that all four floats would be able to go under it.

Apologizing once again to Ms. Wood, Buffy was back on her way to Ms. Jacobson's room. Walking into the bio room, Buffy walked to her desk and explained that Willow had it okay'd to use behind the field.

"My problem back there, is that it's a mud pit and FFA has put in a lot of money back there, and I'm just worried that if you get in you might not be able to get out. Plus the chicken coops are back there," she rambled on.

Buffy nodded her head in understanding.

"Why can't you just use the side of the elementary like always?" Ms. J asked.

Buffy who hadn't fully been informed of why that option was out of the question only knew some of the details. She'd heard Willow mention something about a branch and a wiring problem.

Ms. Jacobson told Buffy to go back to Willow to try and find another alternate route if that was the case.

Buffy huffed along the halls. She had just rounded the corner, looking at the paper trying to figure out if there were alternate routes into the football field, which there were none, when her body collided with another.

They had knocked the papers out of her hand, and they had immediately apologized and started to help her. Looking up at them, Buffy saw the man that she couldn't stop running into. Literally and ironically.

"You," she said.

"You," he said equally.

"Why don't you watch where you're going next time?" she spat. She was in the middle of a dilemma and didn't know how in the hell to get out of it.

"Me?" he yelled. "YOU were the one with her head down, probably checking to make sure your boobs were in the right place," he spat at her.

"You pig! How dare you presume that I was looking at my breasts! You don't know me! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a crisis I have to handle." She huffed and tried to go about her day.

"What? You're hair line is out of order? You're make-up smudged? You break a nail?" he mock gasped with an arrogant smirk.

Glaring at him with the fire of a thousand suns, she sauntered over to him and got up real close. She was practically on top of him, drowning her emerald eyes into his. Whispering she told him, "Don't presume you know me. I may be popular and a natural blonde, but I know how to use my head. You ever say something that stereotypical to me again and I'll personally put my foot so far up your ass it'll take you a week to figure what that pain is."

"Testy much?" he asked back not afraid of her threat. He was a tough guy and she knew it. She never let anyone bully her around. Not after the last time. If she could get out of her relationship with *him* then she could certainly take this punk.

"Look! I've had a shitty day so if you'll excuse me, I have to go make sure that the school doesn't have a fuckin' melt down over Homecoming," she said rudely and walked away from him.

As she walked away he didn't say anything. He liked this girl. She had a real spit-fire to her. She was level headed and she knew how to take care of herself. He could tell that she had been cut a little rough around the edges but that just added to her character. She was beautiful and had a quick tongue to boot. Kinking his head to the side he watched her walk away, her ass going to the left, then the right as she made her way down the hallway. He smirked to himself after she was out of sight. School was suddenly looking brighter.

Straightening his leather jacket, he walked down the hallway the same way she had and instead of going to the left, he took a right. He had to find out who she was. He felt almost like he had to know her. If anything their little tiff's brought humor and a little excitement into his already dull day.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Forty minutes later, Buffy finally thought that she had the Homecoming crisis solved. She had made three more trips to Willow during Trigonometry, disrupting one of the meanest teachers in the school. Buffy was sure that Ms. Wood would certainly be pissed off, but she surprisingly wasn't.

Willow, Buffy and some of her math mates had actually gone outside to speculate what the problem with the side entrance of the elementary school was. On the way back, Willow couldn't help but curse at her classmates. Both she and Buffy had explained to them many times that in order to solve the problem the power for the school had to be turned off, and they just didn't understand that.

"You know how many things have gone wrong this week?" Willow muttered under her breath to Buffy, her red hair blowing in the wind.

"Well other than this, Ms. Carlson being hysterical, and being treated like shit earlier today-"

"You know that if it was up to me, you would have been there. I didn't have a problem with you being there, I wanted you there, but Kathy was just being testy,"

"It's totally cool Will. I understand, I may not LIKE it, but I understand." Buffy informed her. The two shared a smile for a few steps before Willow confided in her friend.

Looking at Buffy, Willow asked her, "You know what happened with the sophomores right?"

Buffy thought about it for a moment and slightly nodded her head. She'd heard the gist of what had taken place at the float a few nights prior.

"I know some of it, what exactly happened?" Buffy asked Willow.

Sighing, Willow huffed in frustration and annoyance. Not annoyed at Buffy but just annoyed at the stupidity of some of these younger classman. She really believed that they have no idea what the word: substance means.

"Tuesday night, some sophomores decided that it would be really funny if they called up Domino's in the name of some junior, and sent twenty pizzas to the freshman float. The police are involved and some sophomore had the NERVE to come up to me today and tell me, "Well you didn't tell us that we couldn't send pizzas to other classes,"" she finished mocking that person.

Buffy felt like smacking her head and yelling "DOH!" Could they really be THAT stupid? If they were, and they obviously were, then she REALLY and TRULY feared for her generation.

Walking back to the school, Buffy and Willow resolved that they'd have this resolved as quickly as possible and spent the next fifteen minutes outside the math room with Ms. Wood and Ms. Jacobson. Once a decision had been made, Buffy headed back to the library hoping to just sit for five minutes. As soon as she entered the library doors, the bell rang to go to the next hour. Groaning, she grabbed her books off the desk and was stopped by Mrs. Carlson, the student council advisor.

"Was everything taken care of?" she snipped at Buffy like she had been the one running from class room to the next for the past hour and a half. Buffy wanted to wipe that look off her face. Some day's she just wanted to say "to hell with it", grab Willow and get their asses out of there, and try seeing them deal with both of them gone. Let them try and function then.

Knowing that while that was a very nice fantasy life, she really couldn't live it, much to her dismay. Instead, Buffy plastered a fake smile on her face and said, "Yes, it's been taken care of,"

Before Mrs. Carlson could get another word in, Buffy was off and out of the library to her next class. French, Buffy thought with a groan. She felt like skipping but remembered that she had a quiz.

An hour and a half later, the bell finally rang and the students were free at last. Buffy sighed with much relief. She could go home, relax, not worry about anything tonight. None of her teachers had given her homework, which was odd, but most of the teachers didn't give any homework during Homecoming week.

Buffy arrived at her home at 1630 Revello Drive at exactly 3:23 pm. Throwing her book bag on the floor next to the door, she walked in the kitchen to check the messages and see if her mom had left her a note. No note, no messages. Rolling her eyes, she wasn't surprised.

Dragging her tiresome feet upstairs to her bedroom and fell on her bed. After staring at her ceiling for about five minutes, she gathered her sluggish body and flung herself at her computer desk. Clicking on the "inbox" button, her new messages showed up moments later.

Seeing a new message from Xander, she clicked on the one that said "Sexy_badass" as the name. Smiling to herself, she clicked on the subject name and waited for the message to load.

To: 

From: Sexy_

Subject: hey

Well hey there, it's been a long day and the boss has been busting my ass for not concentrating on the cars. So he let me come in here and finally get you off of my mind. It's not exactly going the way that I think he hopes it will. Well, how was your day? I hope it was good. You seemed a little stressed the last time we talked. Anything you wanna share?

Well, in case you haven't already figured it out, I can't stop thinking about you. Geez, is that weird? I mean we've never met face to face and we've only been talking for a week or so, but I feel like I know you. Is that crazy? If it is, I will definitely shut up right now.

I gotta jet, I'll be on line later tonight. I hope to see you there,

TTFN,

Your secret admirer (lol)

Buffy smiled to herself. He wasn't crazy. She had been doing the same thing. She couldn't stop thinking about him either and it did feel like she knew him some how from somewhere. She guessed that some people just clicked you know? Or they knew each other in a past life.

Just as she was about to shift into a day dream, her messenger popped up and her dream was about to take place in reality. He was on. How she wished that she could see him, but a part of this whole "not knowing" thing was kinda turning her on even more.

Feeling the need to just be for a while, she clicked on his name and wrote:

Cookiedough1999: Thank you for the e-mail

Sexy_badass: your welcome… I didn't scare you did i?

Cookiedough1999: no, no, not at all

Sexy_badass: oh good

Cookiedough1999: I've been having similar thoughts and feelings as well

Sexy_badass: oh really?

Cookiedough1999: yeah

Cookiedough1999: and to answer your ? I have been kind of stressed lately

Sexy_badass: what's going on?

Cookiedough1999: well I've just been running around all week with my best friend as we're trying to prepare for Homecoming which is tomorrow, and there was a major fuck up today

Sexy_badass: uh-oh

Cookiedough1999: yeah and it didn't help that our advisor decided to be a bitch and try and be all "i ran around all of 4th hour today" when it was me

Sexy_badass: I'm sorry

Cookiedough1999: not your fault

Sexy_badass: I know but I still feel bad for you

Cookiedough1999: well thank you anyway

Sexy_badass: anything else going on?

Cookiedough1999: yeah, but I want to hear about you, we mostly talk about me, what's the deal with you mr?

Sexy_badass: me?

Cookiedough1999: no the guy behind you

Sexy_badass: lol

Sexy_badass: well i'm an only child, lived in California my whole life, I've been in two major relationships in my life, and I fucked 'em both up

Cookiedough1999: uh-oh, is there something I should be aware of? Like you're married with 3 kids living in Utah?

Sexy_badass: no, nothing like that

Cookiedough1999: oh good cuz you know, I was just starting to like you

Sexy_badass: nut, well about two or three years ago I was in a real bad place with myself and I fucked up that relationship and the next one was just a disaster from the start

Cookiedough1999: well I'm sorry, but you seem like you're together now

Sexy_badass: I am, I had a wake up call last year and I realized that I didn't want to live my life the way that I had been

Cookiedough1999: I can feel ya on that one

Sexy_badass: what happened to you?

Cookiedough1999: I was in a really bad relationship with this guy, this guy that I was really in love with and I thought he was too but then….

Sexy_badass: hey, if it's hard for you to talk about, I don't wanna push

Cookiedough1999: thanks

Sexy_badass: no problem

Cookiedough1999: well I better let you go

Sexy_badass: okay, well I'll be on later if you wanna chat then?

Cookiedough1999: I'd like that

Sexy_badass: see ya then?

Cookiedough1999: see ya then

::Cookiedough1999 has signed off::

Buffy took her eyes away from her screen and looked around her bedroom. God she hoped that tomorrow wouldn't be as long of a day as this one was. Pulling out half the nomination ballots for Homecoming court, she started to make piles to determine the King and Queen.

Sighing she couldn't have been more bored than if she was with Riley. She was just glad that she wasn't stuck going to Homecoming with him anymore. At least she hoped that he didn't still think that.

Looking around her room, her eyes went back and forth worrying about tomorrow and its events.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Later that night, Buffy walked back up to her room after eating some pizza bagels and closed the door to her room. Her house was always so quiet. The only time she ever heard anything was when she played music or the sound of her typing on the keyboard. Her parents were never home. Her mom was always at the gallery and her dad was always at work or screwing with one of his secretaries.

Putting her hands on her face she signed on-line and saw that her mysterious prince charming in question was also online. Smiling, she clicked on his name and started the conversation once again.

Cookiedough1999: hey there

Sexy_badass: well hey there yourself

Cookiedough1999: what are you up to?

Sexy_badass: just hanging out with friends… they've got a party going on in the next room but I told you that I'd be on later, so here I am

Cookiedough1999: no, if you want to go party, then go party

Sexy_badass: I don't feel like partying

Cookiedough1999: well it better not be because I'm on, cuz I'll leave

Sexy_badass: don't you dare, I'm trying this new concept it's called "keeping my word"

Cookiedough1999: well that's always positive

Sexy_badass: isn't it?

Sexy_badass: look, I wasn't totally honest with you earlier

Cookiedough1999: oh? About what?

Buffy chewed her bottom lip in nervousness thinking that he was going to say something like "I'm a 45 year old man and I have a wife with 4 kids out in the valley".

Sexy_badass: I'm not an only child

Cookiedough1999: oh

Cookiedough1999: you had me worried there for a second

Sexy_badass: I'm sorry, I just don't like to talk about him much

Cookiedough1999: anything you want to share?

Sexy_badass: I don't really agree with the way that he treated his women and the way that he drank I don't really like either

Cookiedough1999: so has this been a recent development?

Sexy_badass: yeah within the last year or so

Cookiedough1999: I'm sorry

Sexy_badass: it's not your fault, not all siblings get along like in fairytales

Cookiedough1999: I know but still that's too bad

Sexy_badass: *shrugs*

Sexy_badass: so what about you? How's your family life?

Cookiedough1999: well I'm usually the only one ever home… I have no siblings, my mom is always working and my dad is always working or screwing his secretaries

Sexy_badass: ouch

Cookiedough1999: yeah, but I keep busy in school so it's not so obvious

Sexy_badass: that's good that at least you're not always sitting at home alone from 3:30 until like 8 at night

Cookiedough1999: that's true

Cookiedough1999: usually when I'm starting to get down my friends and I will get together and do a movie night or go dancing

Sexy_badass: well that's good that you have a support system

Cookiedough1999: I love 'em all, I don't know how I managed without them for so many years

Sexy_badass: that's really neat, I'm happy for you :D

Cookiedough1999: thank you

Sexy_badass: so do you know where you want to go next year?

Cookiedough1999: well I was thinking about going to UC Sunnydale but LA is looking really appealing right about now

Sexy_badass: oh and why is that?

Cookiedough1999: well their school is excellent and there's a bonus in it for me

Sexy_badass: what is that?

Cookiedough1999: well then I could meet this great guy that I've found myself talking to quite a bit

Sexy_badass: you could

Cookiedough1999: which is something that's been on my mind the last few days

Sexy_badass: what? Going to UCLA or meeting me?

Cookiedough1999: who said it was you? Lol

Sexy_badass: point taken hehe

All night long for the next two hours, Buffy and Mr. Sexy_badass spent talking about the future, what each wants to accomplish in life and how much they liked each other. Buffy felt like she was on cloud nine when she headed off to bed. Smiling as she slept, her dreams were filled with white flowers, and this mystery man in the picture, showing her warmth and love like she'd never known before.

The next morning, at school, as expected, Buffy was greeted with an unfriendly face. Riley Finn standing right in front of her at 8:30 in the morning was not something she'd put on her list of fun things to ever do again in her life. Sighing, she stood there, waiting for him to get his act together and ask her what the deal was.

"So are we going to the dance or not?" he asked bluntly.

Buffy just didn't understand this guy. He could be SO thick sometimes! She thought by breaking up with him it could also break off any engagements together as well. Rolling her eyes at him she put her hands on her hips and stated, "No, we're not."

"Why?" he wanted to know.

Closing her eyes she took back what she said about him being thick. He was just too dumb. She really wondered what in the HELL she saw in him to make her stay with him for SO long.

"You know why! We broke up on Monday! I don't have any further obligations to you!" she shouted at him. He was ruining her happy day! She'd had a wonderful night talking with her online mystery man and Riley was ruining it! She could deck him right now.

"Buffy! Look, we're going to go together understand? I don't care about some bullshit break up or not. You and I are going," he told her as he tried to grab her arm in his hands.

Trying to yank her arm out from his grip she struggled and told him, "No we're not! I can't stand the sight of you Riley! Now let me go!"

Riley only gripped harder. Hard enough that Buffy would have a bruise later on. Still she couldn't get free.

"Hey!" a voice called from the ramp above them.

The male ran down to where the scene was taking place and got up in Riley's face. The man was wearing his usual attire. Tight blue jeans which accentuated his legs and ass, a plain white t-shirt, his necklace and his leather jacket.

"I believe the lady asked you to let her go," he told Riley.

"Get lost, this doesn't concern you," Riley tried to intimidate the male in front of him.

"It does when the girl in question is my girlfriend," he lied.

Riley looked at him for a moment and then at Buffy, wondering if it was true. He hadn't heard anything about Buffy dating someone new. Maybe it happened last night. He shrugged it off and waited to see Buffy make her move.

"That's right Riley, he's my boyfriend, now let me go!" she gritted through her teeth once again at him.

Reluctantly he let her go and immediately Buffy started to rub her bruised arm. Riley sure had another thing coming to him. She watched him walk away and she and her hallway mystery guy breathed a little easier.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

Taking a breathe she informed him, "I am now. Thank you. You didn't have to help me out,"

"It's okay. I hate to see shit heads like him treat girls badly. Especially when that girl isn't his girlfriend any more," he commented.

Nodding her head, "You're right about that one." She looked up at him and really, sincerely told him, "Thank you. Geez I don't even know you're name and we've seen each other HOW many times?"

"I know, but I know you. Go to the dance tonight and I'll tell you there," he told her.

Reluctantly she nodded her head as she smiled at him as he walked away. Turning back to the door, she walked into her math class and explained the situation to the teacher. Showing her bruise as evidence, Ms. Wood let her go to the nurse's office to get an ice pack. On the way back, Buffy thought that a nice little visit to the principal was in order.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"What can I do for you Buffy?" Mr. Fluty asked, Buffy as she took a seat in his office. He'd always liked her, she was a bright girl, with a positive future a head of her, and she wasn't one to take crap from many people.

Sighing, Buffy started to tell him of this morning's events.

"Well sir, I was on my way to class when my ex-boyfriend Riley Finn stopped me in the hall. He wanted to know if we were still going to the dance tonight. I had told him no, and I had thought that when we broke up, all engagements that we had planned on going to together would not happen. I guess I was wrong. Riley gripped my arm sir, so hard and he only let go because someone intervened."

"Who intervened Buffy?" He asked sternly.

"I don't know his name. We've met a few times in the hallway, sparring against each other but we've never actually been introduced. He said he knows me, but I don't know him." Buffy explained to him.

Looking at her, Mr. Fluty stood up from his chair and opened the door for her like a gentleman and stood there waiting for her to exit. As Buffy stood up she heard him tell her quietly, "We'll take care of it,"

Thanking him, she nodded her head and was back to math class for the last twenty minutes or so. She rolled her eyes not wanting to go back to class for a lousy fifteen minutes by the time she makes it back to her locker, grabs her books and walks back to class.

Instead of going back to class, Buffy went to the library for the last few minutes and tried to get some studying done. If not studying would be too hard for her to do then running around to make sure everything was going smoothly for tonight.

Finally the bell rang and Buffy was free to go to her second hour class. Before she could get past the doorframe into the classroom, Willow was pulling her back out in the hallway.

"What's up Will?" Buffy asked her slightly annoyed. Couldn't she just go to a class? Granted it wasn't her favorite class, but still.

With a guilty look in her big green eyes, Willow started to say something but then stopped herself, almost as if she was unable to ask her friend for this favor.

Buffy was getting annoyed, "What is it Will?" she asked impatiently.

Willow decided to just blurt it out, "Could you make copies of this and pass them out to all the teachers?"

With a roll of her eyes, Buffy said "Sure" and then turned into the room to put her books down on her desk. Explaining the situation to the teacher, Buffy walked out of the classroom and into the dim hallway that practically haunted her every night. The paper in her hand that she needed to copy, Buffy walked down the long hallways until she made it to the office.

In the supply room Buffy punched in the code for the copier, lifted up the top, stuck the paper on it in the correct manner, put the top back down, punched in the number of copies that she needed and patiently waited.

As the copier was just to printing the eighth copy, Buffy turned her attention to the door that was opening not more than two feet away from her. In walked her mystery hall man.

"Hey," she said with a smile.

"Hey," he retuned to her in the same manner but added a wink to it as he grabbed the mail from the boxes to give to the teachers.

"So what time?" Buffy asked him.

"What time what?" he asked her confused but still didn't look at her.

With uncertainty she answered, "What time are we meeting tonight?"

He remembered that, and turned around to face her. He walked over to her and pushed her body up against the copy machine. Biting his lip he saw the nervousness in her emerald eyes and chuckled with amusement that he made her nervous.

He wanted to lean in and kiss her, the sexual tension so very noticeable between the two as they had heated and passionate encounters, each with strong view points and their independency radiating throughout their entire body. Buffy hadn't been this lost in the moment since- but as she looked into his deep brown eyes, she even forgot his name, he was so far out of her head. She wanted to kiss his lips but feared it might be too forward.

With *him* she'd never been the one to make the first move. He always had. Every time they kissed, every time they'd had sex, every time they made contact, he had always initiated it, he'd never let her. All the times that she did, he pulled back and told her, "Not right now baby,"

Looking into this man's eyes right now, she decided that if she wanted something with him, she'd be the one to make the first move. To be bold and totally uncanny of her and her reputation but she shrugged it off and had the "What the hell?" attitude.

She wrapped her hands around his head and brought it down to her lips for a very brief but passionate kiss. Letting go of her hold on his head, her lips left his and a smile replaced them. She felt a little embarrassed but then turned back to the copy machine as if it had never happened and left him hanging.

He looked at her backside and admired the girl. She had some guts. He liked that in women. With a coy smile on his lips he turned back around and opened the door to leave the supply room. With one last glance he looked at Buffy and said, "I'll see ya at seven,"

Buffy contained her giggle of happiness until after he left. Once the door was shut, she let out a tiny squeal and grabbed her papers, ready to finish out the day so she and mister hallway mystery man could be at the dance together.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

After the last bell rang for the day, Buffy ran from her foreign language class and straight to her locker. She and Willow had stuff to do and they had to do it quickly. She had to meet Willow outside the elementary school and make sure that all the teachers showed up to go judge floats. She just hoped that her notes and reminders to the teachers had served their purpose.

She made it to the elementary school with no problems. He who she didn't know his name hadn't made any unscheduled appearances and Buffy was glad. After her little decision to give him some PDA's, she was a little nervous about how they would act or rather, how HE would be around her.

Shaking it off, she had all night to think of that, she and Willow had to make sure that everything ran as smooth as silk from now until the end of the night. The Homecoming Court, the band's pre-game performance, decorations for the dance, and most importantly the half time show.

Homecoming's half time show was always the event of the year. The announcement of who won King and Queen, the band playing, the parents walking them out, the floats. The floats were always the most important event in the half time show. While the whole town got to see the (usually) incredible job that the students did in making them, it was the announcement of who won that gave the class a year's worth of bragging rights.

For the past three years, it had been Buffy's class that had won every time. They were robbed their freshman year and came in second. This year's theme was Disney Animated movies. Granted the Student Council had picked the theme, it still wasn't the GREATEST theme ever to grace the presence at Sunnydale High.

Buffy looked out the glass door to the parking lot of the elementary school, the rain drops making the cars in the parking lot look panoramic, almost surreal. Four out of the six teachers that were scheduled to be there, were standing outside in rain talking to one of the other members of Student Council.

Taking a breath, Buffy smiled at the teachers that were present, "Hi! We're just waiting for a few teachers. I believe Willow went to track them down. We'll give them a few more minutes and then if they're still not here, I'll go hunt them down."

All the teachers nodded, huddling close together to keep a bit warmer. They weren't used to the chilly air and the rain. It was unusual for Sunnydale at this time of year. Buffy didn't seem to notice it as she was lost in thoughts of a long time ago. He seemed to be on her mind a lot lately. She just didn't understand why. She had been doing really well she believed with moving on and with the moving to a new town.

She knew the reason that she was thinking of him so much lately. It was getting close to that time of year. Christmas was coming soon and even after two years of being without him, her first instincts were still to run into his arms and have him comfort her while her family fell apart. Things hadn't changed at all at home, the move to Sunnydale hadn't helped one bit, so she figured that since that hadn't changed then neither should her feeling of running to him.

She groaned, not understanding what in the hell was the matter with her. He had done nothing but treat her like shit more than half the time she was with him, so why did a select few moments of happiness make her so attached to him? Why did every time she see a guy with his features automatically make her think of him? What was the matter with her?

She felt like smacking the side of her head to make the thoughts of him go away and preferably forever if she had any say in it. She just couldn't get her mind off of him. Everything about him still permanently set in her mind.

His eyes. How magnetic they were and how they pulled her soul to his until he twisted it and pulled it and controlled it to his liking. His hair. How incredibly silky it felt when she would run her hands through it. His broad shoulders. Oh how they would make shivers go up and down her spine as she would watch him strut over to her beckoning her with his index finger. His lips. The smirk he wore as he was beckoning her and when she would willingly come to him even after he'd hit her. The lips that he would use mostly in a punishing force but when he was gentle? Oh how she loved his kisses. They made her knees go weak. His perfect chest. His rippling pecks with his washboard stomach with perfect six-pack abs that made her drool even when she thought of him now.

God, everything about him screamed "sexy" and "perfect" but she knew so much better. As his good traits would forever be sketched in her mind, so would his worst.

His breath. It always smelt of some kind of liquor. Most days it was a choice between Jack Daniels or just regular beer. His drunken stupor. She had been a victim of quite a few times. His hands. While sober, they were so magical, bringing her to her climax on countless occasions. While drunk, they had been the source of her pain. He would never do anything so physical. He had never once hit her while he was sober. While he was drunk, his aim wasn't quite on target. He had missed her a few times and hit the wall, allowing her to escape physical and mental scarring for that night.

Buffy started to look down at her arm, hoping to trace the familiar scar she knew to be there, but before her index finger could make contact, a car horn honked and Buffy's thoughts were dragged back to her task for the day: don't fuck up. Well thoughts of him certainly weren't going to be helping her out in that area. Abandoning events from the past, she smiled and ran to Willow's car hopping in the front seat. She was ready to get this show on the road and just find out who her mystery hall man was.

The judging went smoothly with the teachers following in their individual cars, but the scheduled rain made its ugly presence while they were visiting the Freshman float. Buffy and Willow both groaned wondering if this was all that they were going to face or if this was only just the beginning.

Four thirty rolled around and all the judging was finally completed. The Student Council advisor, Mrs. Carlson, took the voting ballots to tally up on the way back to into town. Willow dropped Buffy off at her house just in time for Buffy to grab a quick bite to eat, a shower and get ready for the game.

Not surprisingly, Buffy's mother was not in sight and there was no note left for her. She vaguely wondered if she ran away from home if her mother would ever notice her missing. She pondered that thought as she ran into bathroom and pumped up the music in her stereo she'd left in there from the morning.

Buffy sang along to the beautiful lyrics as she cleaned her body and hair so that it was shiny and smelling of vanilla and almonds. After she was done in the shower, Buffy heard her phone ringing and ran to answer it as quickly as she could.

Shouting into her room as if the person on the other side could hear her, she yelled, "I'm coming!"

Reaching the blue telephone that was occupied on Buffy's dresser, she pushed her dangling wet blonde locks out of the way and answered, "Hello?"

There was nothing. No one answered.

"Hello?" she tried again.

Finally she heard the other end click and hung up herself. She shrugged it off thinking that it was probably someone with a wrong number. She turned up her radio as she dressed and brushed her hair.

/I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, I'll tell you that/

Dido's White Flag had started and it was one of Buffy's favorite songs. It was such the "Break-up anthem" that she had listened to almost night and day after she had moved and ended her bad relationship. She thought about the music video to this song. How the two kept being at the same place but never noticing each other, even if one of them had, the other didn't. Then finally they came face to face again and how awkward it seemed to be even though they couldn't stop thinking about each other.

She wondered if that would ever happen to her and her ex. If she was ever where he lived or if he ever came to Sunnydale, would they ever see each other? She knew that she still thought about him a lot, but the question was, did he ever still think about her? She guessed it was just one of those things that you'd never know.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

After she was done blow-drying her long sunshine blonde locks, Buffy dressed in a little warmer clothes than she usually did at this time of year. She pulled on a pair of tight jeans that accentuated her curves beautifully, and a nice long blue sweater so she could be warm.

She looked around for a pair of nail clippers, after she hadn't found them in her bathroom or in her dresser; she thought that perhaps they were in the side dresser to her bed. She figured it was worth a shot. Searching through everything in the table, she came across the bottom and found a shiny silver object. Thinking, "Thank God," Buffy pulled it out and got a very unpleasant surprise.

She sat down on her bed with the silver object in her hand, the glare creating a soft shine on her face. She once looked upon this object with love and devotion, feeling something special when she wore it. She had totally forgotten about it until just now as she pulled it out.

His words echoed in her ear and in her mind as she remembered the night that he had given this to her. They had just made love for the first time and as they laid in each other's arms, basking in the afterglow of their passion for each other, he had reached over and swooped in again, lifting her off her feet with his words.

He had told this romantic story and had told her that she didn't have to wear it if she wasn't ready. Ironically it was one of the only times he had ever given her a choice about something.

For some reason that was beyond her, she slipped the chain on over her neck and decided to wear it that night to the game. She knew what its purpose was, but it was so beautiful. She hated to let a good piece of jewelry go to waste. Smiling to herself in the mirror, she ran downstairs, locked the door and was on her way.

With a smile that said, "I'm fabulous! How about you?" she walked onto the football field and cheered as she saw the quarterback go in for a touchdown. Seeing Xander at the end of the bleachers, she ran down to give him a hug.

"How's it going Buff?" he asked her as he let go of her after their initial hug.

She shrugged hoping that everything that night had been going as smoothly as possible. Willow had told her early on that she didn't have to be there at the very start of the game. Since Buffy hadn't been there for court, and since there was nothing else she could do, to just take her time and get there when she got there.

Of course Buffy took this as "Eat fast and get here on the double so I don't have to have the whole entire world on my shoulders!"

Buffy chuckled as she saw Willow running around behind the press box making sure that all the floats were getting ready to go at half time. Leaving Xander, Buffy walked over to her best friend and asked if she needed any help.

"Could you just make sure that all the cars are ready to go when the band is done and off the field? Oh and make sure that the cheerleaders are ready to go as soon as the clock strikes zero!" Willow called as she had already started to walk away. She knew the drill.

Finally the big moment came. The floats went across the field shining in the glory of the cheering crowd. Mrs. Carlson came over the PA and informed the crowd about the theme and what each class made and why they chose what they did. And then she announced the winner.

"And the winner of the 2012 Homecoming Float is- The senior class!"

The seniors all roared with happiness as they stood up and clapped in excitement. Buffy hollered and cheered along with them, proud of her class, the one time in the year that she was proud of. Most days she absolutely despised her classmates. They were immature little shits that needed to grow up and realize that the world didn't revolve around them.

An hour later, the game was finally over. The Sunnydale High Razorbacks had made a stunning victory over the Edmontville Aggies making the score 31-17.

Buffy walked into the school gym explaining to who was working the admissions desk that she was on Student Council and was on clean up crew later that night. It was her free ticket in and she did intend to clean up.

She was walking by the pop machines when she saw him leaning against the wall looking at her without his usual attire. Instead of a white t-shirt that he wore, he was wearing a nicer black one with a gold chain. He still sported his black leather jacket and tight jeans, but damn he looked fine if Buffy did say so herself.

They made eye contact and he smirked at her, his dark eyes illuminating at her with such a powerful force, it was almost as if one of them blinked they would miss the other one. He smirked at her with eyes telling her that he definitely wanted to do things to her after the dance. She couldn't say that she would totally disagree to that idea so she gave him her best flirtatious smile in return.

The way he looked and the way that he was leaning against the wall, everything about him was screaming James Dean in Rebel Without A Cause. He had that whole "bad boy" thing going on and she always had found that incredibly sexy. She knew that that road had its cautions but she also knew that a lot of that had to do with him personally and that it wasn't all just because he had that image.

The DJ had started playing and to start off the dance, he played a fast song to which Buffy and her mystery man met in the middle of the dance floor. Licking her lips she grew a little nervous. He looked cool, confident, a little cocky and she fell completely for him then and there.

"Hi," he greeted first.

"Hello," she returned.

Noticing the song ending and a slow one starting, neither one of them asked the other to dance, but they just enveloped each other in the other's arms and started to dance to the music. As the lyrics started to come over the speakers, Buffy wanted to jump out of his arms and make a run for the hills.

It was the song she and *he had shared.

Easily, the boy Buffy was dancing with sensed her tension as the lyrics came over the PA system.

Instead, her mystery hall man tightened his grip on her waist and leaned in close to her and whispered to her, "By the way, my name? It's Billy Fordham, but you can call me Ford,"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

With an extra twinkle in her emerald eyes, Buffy smiled at Ford and said aloud, "Well it's wonderful to meet you Ford, and since you already know who I am, then I guess we don't need introductions."

He chuckled. He didn't know of any guy in the whole school who didn't know of Buffy Summers. She was beautiful, smart, witty and just an all around wonderful person. She was top of the class, Vice President of the Student Council, Secretary of SADD and Treasurer of NHS. The only organization she wasn't involved in was Quiz Bowl and that was because she just didn't have time. She had been dating Riley Finn but rumor had it early on in the week that they had broken up but he hadn't believed it until he saw it for himself earlier that morning.

"So Buffy, why does a girl like you need to be in such a rush all the time? Always running into people in the hallways, it isn't natural," he joked.

She laughed a little nervously.

"I'm sorry if I've been snippy or rude, but you're first impression wasn't exactly perfect either."

He nodded knowing that she was right. She continued, "I've been really stressed this week with making sure everything was running smoothly for tonight. I had three projects due this week along with one paper and the only time I had any time to myself was during fourth period and that was spent running around for tonight. I've barely gotten any sleep and-" she was cut off before she could go any further.

"Woah, why haven't you been sleeping well?" he asked a bit concerned.

She REALLY didn't want to get into it, especially with someone who she just learned their name. She wanted to bury those feelings so far down into the earth that they didn't have a chance at resurfacing.

She shrugged it off, "I really don't want to talk about it, if that's okay."

He nodded in understanding. He didn't want to push her if she wasn't willing to talk about it. He would just have to wait if she ever decided to tell him, which he really did.

She lay her head down on his shoulder and just wanted to live in the moment for once this week instead of in the past thinking of *him. While Ford did remind her of him in looks, she just hoped that their relationship wouldn't take a similar turn as the other one had.

Suddenly she was ripped from his arms and staring at an angry Riley Finn who was looking like he wanted to kill Ford for touching Buffy and Buffy for daring to even look at Ford. His grip on her arm was causing her skin to bruise and she always had bruised rather easily. The way he was squeezing her arms so tightly made Buffy want to bit her lip from the pain.

"What the FUCK do you think you're doing? You little SLUT!" Riley shouted as he slapped her across her cheek with his other hand making a scene in front of the entire school. "You worthless little whore! You date me for months and I don't even get so much of a blow job and then I find you all over this guy! What the fuck kind of game are you playing bitch?"

Ford rushed over to Riley and got up in front of him making his best intimidating face. Without blinking knowing that it was more than likely if he and Riley went at it, he would win, Ford said thinly, "Let go of her,"

Riley scoffed at the idiot in front of him thinking, "Who the HELL is this guy?" Tightening his grip on her arm he pressed Ford on, "You got lucky this morning but you won't be so lucky a second time,"

Ford just laughed. Riley didn't really know what was so funny but all of a sudden, Ford's fist ran right into Riley's left eye knocking him back off of his feet and letting go of Buffy's arm.

As soon as her arm was free Buffy ran straight into Ford's arms. He comforted her with his arms around her as she laid her head in the nook of his neck. Ford ran his hand through her hair to calm her, feeling her shake in his arms.

She looked at Riley with disgust and all the feelings of being a victim in the past came rushing back inside of her. Riley had opened a can of worms that she had once wished hadn't been opened but now that it was, she couldn't have been happier.

She let go of Ford's support to deal with Riley Finn whom she believed wouldn't be allowed to attend the dance due to his earlier public display in the hallway. She'd have to talk to Mr. Fluty about that tomorrow morning. As for now, she had a few words she wanted to say to him.

"Riley, you are nothing but a scared insecure little boy who refuses to grow up. You belittle everyone around you, causing blame on others so that no one will ever see you for what you really are! A coward!" she spat at him with fire raging in her eyes.

She wanted to say SO much more but Ford's presence made her hold back. Something about him made her feel comfortable but she couldn't exactly put her finger on it. His touch was gentle, not rough, he smelt of Calvin Klein cologne, and she could smell what kind of shampoo he used. Everything about him screamed safety and comfortable and Buffy loved that.

Riley stood up and even his frightening height didn't intimidate her. She held her ground, determined to get this over with once and for all. She didn't want to be hiding in the dark like some scared little girl who couldn't handle herself.

Once he saw that she wasn't going to go cower or run back to her precious new boyfriend's arms, he decided to walk away.

As she watched his back exit through the door she let out a giant breath with her eyes growing big. She turned around and walked back over to Ford. She smiled at him, glad that he was here, she didn't know what she'd do if he hadn't been there. She really didn't want to think about it either.

Enveloping him in her arms, they walked off outside the dance and walked outside the school. The night air was a little chilly so Ford took off his leather jacket and offered it to Buffy. She accepted it but only if he was sure he was going to be okay. He nodded telling her that he was fine; she wrapped the jacket around her waist hugging it tightly taking in his scent.

As they walked through town, they came upon Weatherly Park. Ford took her hand and led her through the park as a shortcut. The sky was clear and the park was the best place to see the stars. Buffy looked up above her and marveled at the sparkling dots in the sky completely fascinated by them.

They came upon a park bench and Buffy asked if they could just sit down for a moment. Not that she was tired, but she just wanted to enjoy the moment. She didn't do it enough anymore and thought that it would be nice to start again.

He looked upon her with a smile that couldn't be wiped off his face even if he'd just been told that he was indebted to the government by fifty thousand dollars. He crooked his head as he noticed the tiny piece of jewelry hidden under her shirt.

"What is that?" he asked her with curiosity as he moved his hand to the piece he was referring to.

Quickly she diverted the subject, "It's nothing. So tell me about yourself,"

He noticed the quick change in subject and against his better instincts; he decided to pursue what he had mentioned.

"Where'd you get that Buffy?" he asked persistently.

He obviously wasn't getting the hint that she didn't want to talk about. She snapped at him, "I don't want to talk about it! Okay?"

She got up from the bench and started to walk away from him annoyed, pissed off and regretting that she had just snapped at him. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know the story behind it, but she didn't want to talk about it. It was bad enough that she couldn't stop thinking about *him for the past few days, but that story just- made Buffy the most vulnerable.

"What was going on back there Buffy?" Ford asked as he ran to catch up to her.

"What do you mean?" she lied.

He gave her a look saying, "You know what I mean," His eyes expecting an answer.

His eyes were a little demanding but concerned all the same. He was taking a step pushing this subject but it was weighing heavily on her mind, he could tell and anything that made her have *that* look on her face couldn't be good.

She sighed knowing that she had been busted. She figured that this could be kind of like a test. If he still understood about the story of the piece of jewelry and the relationship attached to it, maybe it would be good.

She looked up into his dark eyes, searching them for some kind of support. What she found was even greater then support, concern and a hint of caring. She smiled feeling better about telling him now.

"I didn't always live here. I moved to Sunnydale about two years ago. In my old town I had a boyfriend. He was eighteen, the coolest guy around. He was a young freshman in college and I obviously was still in high school." She started to explain.

Noticing her pause he held her hand in his and encouraged her spirits. "It's okay, go on,"

She embraced the courage that he bestowed in her, took a giant breath and started to tell him the long drawn out story that was known as: her past.

"Well, let's just say that we didn't have the greatest relationship. That's an understatement. Our relationship was- very, very, very bad. But, I loved him. Despite all the shit that he would do or say, I still loved him,"


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"What did he do Buffy?" Ford asked in a dark tone. If this asshole had hurt her in anyway, he'd find him and make him pay.

She hesitated in her response. She knew that she had to tell him, there was no going back at this point, but admitting it, that was the hard part.

"Did he hurt you?" Ford asked her a little nervous in her response.

Ever so lightly she allowed tears to fall down her rose colored cheeks. "Sometimes," she whispered. "He could be so wonderful sometimes, I knew he loved me in those moments, but then he'd-"

"Buffy, he didn't love you. He couldn't have. I don't care how many times he told you or made you believe otherwise. Buffy, love isn't abuse,"

"I know that. Now. Back then? What did I know about love or sex or anything like that? I know what he did to me. Two years later and I still think about him! Why do I keep doing this to myself? Am I a masochist?" she begged to him rhetorically. She couldn't fathom why in the world she would ever want to go back to that place in her life. That life was dead. She had died because of him and she didn't know if she'd ever be the same again.

Ford offered his hand to her to which she hesitated in accepting. There was a look in his eyes, a soft, loving look that told her that no matter what happened in her past, it didn't matter now. A little voice in the back of her head whispered, "Give him a chance,"

With a winning smile on her face she let Ford walk her home hand in hand. They walked the less than ten minute walk to her house. Neither spoke a word, completely comfortable in each other's silence. It wasn't until they reached Buffy's door that Buffy spoke to him since her confession.

Holding his hand in hers, she gently squeezed them and thanked him graciously. "Thank you so much, it's been kind of a crazy night,"

He shrugged it off and said almost nonchalantly, "It was no big deal, just doing the right thing,"

"I had a really great time tonight Ford," she told him honestly. With a smile on her face she moved her head down towards his and captured his lips with hers for the second time that day. Ford, who wasn't surprised by the action, welcomed her passion with open arms. As their tongues battled it out, Ford wrapped his arms around her and crushed her tiny body against his.

Buffy relented kissing him to breathe and whispered to him with a hint of lust in her voice, "My parent's aren't home,"

Before she could kiss him again, Ford let go of her hand. "Buffy, this isn't about sex. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am eighteen and I am a man and I have the thoughts and wants of every eighteen year old man, but I'm not going to use them on you right now,"

She felt like saying, "But why?" Was it her? Was he really disgusted with her and her prior relationship and it only know sunk in? What was his game?

"Before you ask, I'm not playing any games. I've both been there and done that, and I don't want to do that with you. I like you. It's been a while since I've really liked someone. So Buffy, we're not going to do anything right now. I'd like us to date, really get to know each other." He proposed.

Buffy a little weary still, nodded her head in agreement and gave him one last kiss goodnight before she went inside her empty house. With a sigh she realized that she was still wearing his jacket. Quickly she opened the door again and saw that he had just made it to the end of the lawn.

"Wait, Ford!" she called. "You forgot your jacket!"

With a wink that she could barely see, being so dark outside, he called back, "Keep it! It looks better on you,"

With that, he finished walking back to the school to pick up his car. Buffy inside her house went upstairs to change her clothes into the most comfortable pajama's she owned. After she pulled her blonde locks into a blue hair tie, Buffy pranced downstairs to grab a movie for her to watch in her room.

Rummaging through her collection, she finally decided to watch Down With Love. "Ewan McGregor is SO hot," she thought to herself.

Trotting back up to her room singing to herself "Love Shack", she got to her room and lightly tossed the DVD on her bed. She walked over to her desk and clicked on her screen of her computer, wiggled her mouse around until the screen popped up. She clicked the "internet" icon and typed in her e-mail address. She had a new message from her Sexy_badass.

To: Cookiedough1999

From: Sexy_badass

Subject: (none)

_I miss you._

_*sexy _

She moved down to click on the "Messenger" icon. She waited a few moments for her connection and saw that he was on-line. She double clicked his name and started a conversation.

Cookiedough1999: Hey stranger

Sexy_badass: well hello there

Cookiedough1999: I got your e-mail… thank you and I missed you too

Sexy_badass: where were you at?

Sexy_badass: yw

Cookiedough1999: I was at our homecoming, I had to be there

Sexy_badass: ah, did you have fun?

Cookiedough1999: yeah, some parts were good

Sexy_badass: like what?

Cookiedough1999: the part where this guy I like beat the shit out of my ex boyfriend

Sexy_badass: wow… sounds like you had quite a night

Sexy_badass: so I got some competition huh?

Cookiedough1999: lol

Cookiedough1999: yep, it would seem so :D

Sexy_badass: well damn…

Cookiedough1999: so what did you do all day?

Sexy_badass: not a whole lot, certainly nothing as exciting as your day

Sexy_badass: no, I just hung out around my apartment had some friends over… missed talking to you

Cookiedough1999: awwww… well if it helps, despite the turn of events tonight, I did miss talking to you today too

Sexy_badass: I know, we've talked every day

Cookiedough1999: we have

Sexy_badass: I like you

Cookiedough1999: I like you too

Cookiedough1999: you know with some guys, you get afraid to admit things, faults, past mistakes, relationship woes, afraid to let an image you have fail in being not what you're perceived to be, but with this…

Sexy_badass: yeah, I know what you mean

Cookiedough1999: I feel like I could tell you anything and believe me, there are certain things that I have trouble telling my friends

Sexy_badass: you know I feel the same way about you…

Buffy forgot all about watching her movie as she and Mr. Sexy_badass continued to talk until two in the morning. At two am, Buffy's CD player had reached the final track on the new CD she had made. She sighed in her room as the lyrics washed over her.

_/She's his yellow brick road, leading him on and letting go as far as far as she lets him go, going down to nowhere/_

Finally once the song was over, three and a half minutes later, Buffy sighed and realized that she really should get to bed.

Cookiedough1999: well it's late and I should get to bed

Sexy_badass: well then I hope to talk to you tomorrow

Cookiedough1999: count on it

Sexy_badass: goodnight, and have a pleasant sleep

Cookiedough1999: oh I plan on it ;)

Sexy_badass: yep, that's cuz I'm gonna be in 'em isn't it?

Cookiedough1999: :$ possibly…

Cookiedough1999: goodnight

::Cookiedough1999 has signed off::

Buffy turned off her computer screen, placed her un-watched DVD on her night stand next to her bed and waited for sleep to over-take her body where everything was perfect in her life and nothing was wrong or could go wrong. That night she dreamt of herself and Ford running through the daisies in an open field on a blindingly sunny day, holding hands going "tra-la-la".

As Buffy couldn't keep the grin off of her face in her dream, she faced Ford who had a tight hold on her hand and received the shock of her life as he transformed into the face of her ex-boyfriend before her very eyes. He gripped her hand and pulled her up against his body. He lowered his head, his lips centimeters away from her ear as he whispered softly, "Things are about to get *very* interesting,"


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

One month later…

Buffy walked through the halls of Sunnydale High with a brilliant smile placed on her cherry red lips as she was in the arms of her boyfriend of one month, Ford. She really enjoyed spending time with Ford. He made her laugh, he made her feel safe and secure, and most of all, he didn't make her cry. She was still maintaining a friendship with her on-line buddy Sexy_badass, but the two still hadn't exchanged names and Buffy was actually happier that way. They chatted almost every night before Buffy went to bed. At the end of every conversation when Buffy would go to bed, she always had a smile on her face. She truly hadn't been this happy in a LONG time. Since that night a month prior, Buffy hadn't had a dream about *him. With Ford in her life, her thoughts were no longer occupied about her past relationship, they were solely focused on the present and Ford.

As they held hands, Buffy mindlessly chattered away with Willow and Ford and Oz exchanged pleasantries and ironically musical equipment. Xander came up behind them hand in hand with his own girlfriend Cordelia.

"So are you guys going to the Winter formal?" Cordelia asked Buffy and Willow eagerly.

Buffy looked up at her a bit confused, it was still a few weeks away from the event, though she realized that girls had been planning to go since the end of Homecoming. She mentally shrugged, she and Ford hadn't talked about it, but she wanted to go.

"Oz and I are!" Willow announced proudly. "We're going to The Firehouse Grill, though we might want to consider somewhere else, 'cause that name could kind of put a hex on the whole night, and then there would be fires and ash and-"

"Will!" Buffy said as she put her hand over Willow's mouth to prevent sound from coming out. Buffy leaned over to Cordelia and whispered, "She's a little nervous, she and Oz are planning on consummating their relationship that night,"

Recognition shined in Cordelia's eyes before she went "Oh! Well good luck!" Cordelia cheered her on kind of lamely and patter her on her shoulder.

Willow shot Buffy a glare that said, "Did you HAVE to tell her?" Buffy just shrugged off the look and fell back into her own world. She placed her chin on Ford's shoulder and grinned stupidly as Willow came into view taking Oz's hand in hers.

Xander chimed in, "What's the plan gang? Bronzin' it? Are we stayin in? I have Charlie's Angels at home, Cameron Diaz anyone?"

"Hormone check Xander," Cordelia warned him.

Buffy looked at her watch and saw that it was about three thirty. Her parents were actually going to be home this evening and she needed to be home to make sure everything was well taken care of.

"Guys, I gotta split. I'll catch up with you later," she told Ford before she kissed him on his lips as he looked a little confused.

She ran down the hallway and tried to make it the doors, but Ford caught up with her before she could exit.

"What's going on Buffy?" he asked her extremely puzzled about why she had to leave so suddenly.

She sighed, realizing that she hadn't explained her sudden departure. "I'm sorry Ford, my parents are home tonight and I need to make sure the house is spick and span. If there is even one little thing out of place or disorganized, I'm dead. I will call you later when I'm done and maybe if you're not doing anything later, we can get together?"

He smiled at that idea and placed a chaste kiss on her lips, always leaving her wanting more, before he patted her on the ass and told her, "You better get a move on baby,"

She winked at him and ran down the street to her house.

At four thirty, an hour after she'd left the school, Buffy was just finishing vacuuming the living room when the telephone rang. She huffed, being interrupted by her work, but still sounded pleasant answering the ringing annoyance.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Buffy?" a female voice asked her to make sure it was her.

Buffy's eyes grew to the size of a baseball. Immediately she hung up the phone. She breathed heavily for a few minutes. Thousands of questions running through her mind: What did she want? How did she find her? What in the fuck was she trying to pull?

Quickly she dried her eyes and continued to work like a robot. Cleaning would her mind of almost anything. She just hoped this qualified as anything. She cranked up her music to try and drown her thoughts.

/You're the kind of friend who always bens when I'm broken, like remember when, you took my heart and put it back together again

I've been wasting time with clueless guys but now it's over let me tell you why I'm through, I've met someone new, just like you/

It was during the third verse of "Sweet Home Alabama" that the telephone rang again. Prepared this time, Buffy answered the phone in an intimidating voice. If she was going to be forced to confront this bitch then she better be in the mood for it. Ever so gradually she was getting to that place of "over the edge".

"Yes?" she answered.

"Hi honey," Joyce Summers' silky voice lingered in Buffy's ear. Buffy took a big sigh, grateful to not have a confrontation with the one person she hated most in this world. Well, the second person she hated most in the world if she was being honest with herself.

"Hi mom," Buffy relaxed.

She could hear the hesitation in her mother's voice before she even spoke. She knew what was coming. She nodded her head on the other line just waiting for the words to fall out of her mother's mouth.

"Bad news honey,"

"Let me take a WILD guess, you're not coming home," Buffy said unemotionally. She had gotten so used to her parents calling and having something come up that it didn't even faze her anymore. She wondered what it would be like when her parents actually did come home.

"We can't sweetie, I'm so sorry and your dad is too," Joyce tried to sooth things over with their only daughter.

"Yeah I bet," she muttered to herself and then hung up the phone.

Making sure that there were some lights on in the house, she grabbed her jacket, locked the door and ran out of her house. There was only one place that she wanted to be right now and no one was going to stop her.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Buffy entered The Bronze not more then ten minutes than since she left her house. Immediately she looked around frantic to see if they were still there. She spotted Willow and Oz on the dance floor, sharing a nice slow dance wrapped in each other's embrace. She looked around to see if Xander and Cordelia were sitting at a table somewhere and came up disappointed when she didn't spot them or Ford anywhere.

Feeling guilty about interrupting their dance, Buffy tapped lightly on Willow's shoulder and received a smile from her best friend as she was made aware of her own presence.

"Buffy! Decided to join us after all huh?" Willow asked still circled in Oz's strong arms.

Buffy nodded, not really wanting to get into the details of her parents not being home, AGAIN. She smiled and asked politely, "Is Ford here?"

Willow nodded that he was indeed here and that he came with them in tow. Willow let go of Oz's shoulder for two seconds to point to the back of the club where she knew Ford would be.

Buffy nodded her thanks and went off to find her boyfriend. She still didn't see Xander or Cordelia so she shrugged it off as maybe they had left and/or they were off macking in one of the back rooms. Where she was headed.

A sudden sense of anxiousness and nervousness filled Buffy's body and slowly she was slipped into another time, another place and she was with another man.

Sixteen year old Buffy Summers came walking outside her school on a bright, sunny, warm winter day. After telling each of her friends the latest gossip, and telling each one of them to call her later that night, she looked up and was greeted by the sight of her sexy boyfriend.

Every girl in school wanted him and tried to steal him away from Buffy, but Buffy played back equally but manipulatively. Any girl that tried to steal away her man from her, or even to make a pass at him, would be suffering from vicious rumors for the rest of their high school careers.

She sauntered over to him, wiggling her ass as she walked, letting all the guys leave almost nothing to their imagination about the skirt she was wearing. He pulled his shades down to let his piercing eyes get a better view of her. His lips lifted upward almost graciously; as they formed his sexy trademark "I definitely wanna fuck you," smirk. His dark eyes raked over every male within the vicinity of her and saw the exact same look in their eyes that he was giving her.

He wanted to slap himself. He knew buying her that damn mini-skirt was going to come back and bite him in the ass one day. He couldn't help but buy it for her though. It did look damn fine on her, but the point was that she was his and ONLY his! No one else saw her ass but him!

As she hopped in front of him with a little giggle lingering in her throat, he kissed her hello. The kiss, so intense, so passionate, and so lustful, made on looking guys and girls see red. "What do they see in each other?" questions floating around behind them.

Buffy was so lost in the taste, the feel, the passion that was him, she didn't realize when he grabbed her tempting ass and lifted her up towards him. He shoved his tongue down her throat, and Buffy loved every passing second of it. As Buffy broke the kiss to take a deep breath, his crazed eyes met her. He grabbed her hand and practically shoved her in the car.

It was a quick two-minute drive to his apartment and immediately they exited the car and Buffy was carried up the stairs over his shoulders into his apartment. Inside his apartment he still carried her to his bedroom. He plopped her down on his bed and instantly was gone.

He had shut the door and locked it before she could move. She hated it when he did this. He was getting drunk and she couldn't stop him. All she could do was wait and if she tried to stop him, he'd just make it worse for her.

Buffy was a little more than nervous if she was being honest with herself. She had never seen him act this crazy with want or desire before. She tried to think of what she had done to make him act this way. She hadn't said anything to him that he could have taken badly in the last few days. She honestly couldn't think of what the hell was the matter with him!

She sat on his bed waiting for him. She didn't know how much time had passed when he finally did re-enter the room. She could smell the liquor coming off of him a mile away. His whole body and breath reeked of it. Buffy didn't move and she didn't make a sound. Sometimes, if she were lucky, he'd simply pass out. Oh god, how she prayed that he'd just pass out.

She blinked and he was magically on top of her, straddling her waist with her arms pinned down. She searched his face for some kind of recognition as to why he was suddenly going so "cave-man" on her.

"Do you trust me?" his soft, silky, Coors smelling voice filled the room as he brought his tender, velvety lips to her ear lobe. He continued to suck away as she lost herself in the sensation. That was her weak area and he knew it. Whatever it was that was bothering him, he definitely wanted to have sex now and she knew that despite it all, she wasn't going to be able to say no.

Quickly, she nodded her head. A familiar sensation flowed over her body, creating warmth within her core. She slightly moaned at the sudden feeling as he moved his hand down her belly to try and take care of her ache within.

He stopped the movement of his hand and bit out angrily, "Do you trust me Buffy? Answer me,"

"Yes, yes, you know I love you," she admitted. She knew within herself that she would say anything to get him inside of her, filling her completely and bringing her to the most intense climax she'd ever experience.

Hearing her say the words "I love you" was exactly what he wanted her to say. She always did play beautifully right into his hands. "Love? You *love me?" he asked her pretending to not know that that was the truth. Slight tears in her eyes, she nodded her head yes. "So is that why you decided to wear the skirt that *I bought you, that shows off your ass, to school? To let all the other guys see you? Huh?"

Horror filled her, as she frantically shook her head no. "No," she whispered. "You know that I love you, please, please believe me,"

"You know Buffy, I'd really like to, but I think I'm going to need some convincing." He informed her as he stumbled, but efficiently zipped his pants down and waited for her to make her move. "You know you want it baby,"

She looked on at him and at his bulging erection in front of her. She licked her dry lips, feeling how rough they were. "This is all you'll ever be," she told herself. With her fate sealed, she moved her head forward and took his hard cock inside of her mouth.

Buffy reached the door to the back room, hoping, praying that history wouldn't repeat itself. How she had wanted to believe that Ford was different then all the other guys that she'd met, but history had a way of making it's way back into the present and Buffy had kept herself at a distance from Ford because of that. She didn't want to lose Ford, really she didn't. They had only been dating a month, but to Buffy, because of the nature of their relationship and how healthy it was, it seemed like a lifetime.

She took a deep breath and braced herself for what she might see behind that closed door. The cold metal doorknob in her hand, she twisted it easily and slowly opened it.

Buffy groaned as she walked the twelve blocks to his apartment from school. He had forgotten her, again. She vaguely wondered what his excuse would be this time. Something came up at work, he was napping, he was drunk, he really needed a new tune is what Buffy thought.

What pissed her off the most wasn't that he had forgotten her, fuck she was used to that already, no, what pissed her off the most was that she had to walk in three inch Manolo Blahnik's that her father had given to her for her birthday!

Fifteen minutes later, after she had carefully and slowly walked to his apartment complex, she made her way up the cheaply carpeted stairs and opened the door. She threw her bag on the floor and closed the door behind her.

"Baby?" she called but not loudly.

Hearing a voice from his room, she figured that he must have been in the shower or something else equally lame as to why he had forgotten her. She pushed open his door not noticing that it wasn't locked.

There he was, lying in bed with his arms up around his head with a shit grin on his face. There was her best friend riding him as she got herself off with no thanks to him.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Buffy screamed.

Faith immediately stopped and turned around to see that they had been caught. The look on her face resembled a deer caught in a car's headlights. Buffy looked at her best friend. The girl that she considered a sister, the girl that had told her originally to make a play for the man she was currently screwing. She shook her head at her, unable to even look at her.

"Buffy," Faith tried.

"Get the fuck out. I don't ever want to see your fucking face again. I don't want to hear your fucking voice again. I don't know you. You are dead to me," Buffy told her with her voice as low as an animal growling and twice as vicious.

Faith hung her head, knowing that she had fucked up her only friendship and what was it all for? A fuck. Buffy didn't know her? She didn't even recognize herself right now. Faith pulled on her shirt and pants, not even bothering with the zipper or button and ran the fuck out of there as fast as she could.

Buffy looked at her lover with his cold, dead, emotionless eyes. Despite his recent betrayal, a part of her still wanted to take comfort in his arms. Perhaps it was then that she realized that maybe the reason she let him abuse her wasn't because she was weak. Maybe it was because she was addicted to the pain. She was addicted to the emotions that he brought out in her because it was only then that she felt them. He was the only person to make her feel anything. Without him, there was no pain, there was no passion, no intensity, no sadness, no love, nothing. Without him, she was nothing but an empty shell.

Buffy looked in the room only to find it empty. She looked around curiously to see if maybe they were just hiding. There was no one there. She turned back around and found Ford standing right behind her. She jumped a little at the sudden surprise.

"Jesus Ford, you scared the shit out of me," she told him.

"I'm sorry, I was in the bathroom. When I talked to Willow she said that you were back here," he explained.

"Oh," she smiled and breathed a lot easier. She took him in her arms, never wanting to let him go. He ran his hand down her hair calming her as his other hand held her firmly to his body. He saw her shiver ever so slightly and wrapped his jacket around the both of them.

Encompassed with his body heat and his extreme closeness, Buffy looked up lovingly at her boyfriend and kissed him sweetly. It was then that she made a vow not to hold back anymore. If she had learned anything from the past it was that, you had to be yourself and if that person doesn't like who you are, then that's their problem. She couldn't be afraid to be herself anymore. A relationship isn't one sided and if she wanted this relationship to work with Ford, (which she did), then she'd have to start upholding her side of the bargain.

"What happened? I thought you said that your parents were coming home tonight," he asked her curiously.

"They were supposed to, but, surprise, surprise, they ended up staying. My guess is that their counselor is finding new problems in their relationship the day before they're scheduled to come home EVERY time. If anything, the quack is probably creating more problems then there were before." Buffy explained to Ford.

"You wanna get outta here?" Ford asked Buffy as he kept his grasp on her body close yet still able for her to move if she decided against it.

"I'd love to," she smiled at him. With a promising kiss that she gave to him, they moved throughout the Bronze, hand in hand. Buffy threw her "I'm leaving" look to Willow and Willow nodded as she returned her attention back to Oz and their conversation.

Buffy practically dragged Ford back to her house where she promptly invited him inside. After a moment of thinking about it, he accepted her offer.

Somewhere else…

"Buffy, Buffy! I need you!" the voice chanted while deep in sleep. The person gasped as they woke up from their deep sleep drenched in sweat. "No matter what happens, I have to get you back in my life. I don't care what I have to do,"


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Inside the Summers' home, in the dead of silence, Buffy closed the door after Ford had entered and looked at him with a hint of surprise twinkling in her eyes. She let her eyes wander up and down his backside, surveying him and getting many ideas in her pretty little head. It had been a while since she last had sex and she definitely wouldn't mind letting Ford

Ford turned around to face her, with a knowing smile on his lips. They shared similar looks as Buffy took his hand in hers, and brought him down to her height. She attacked his lips with force, their tongues in an endless battle for dominance.

Ford broke the heated kiss, and looked on at her with misunderstanding in his eyes. When she had invited him in, he honestly wasn't even thinking that they'd be having sex.

"Buffy, what's going on?" he asked as he broke away from her all together.

Innocently she batted her eyes at him and stuck her bottom lip out ever so lightly. Her fingers moved to his chest as she idly danced her fingers around the collar of his shirt.

She simply chose to ignore him. Her fingers trailed along the same path as they had been, dancing along the buttons of his shirt as she tried to move herself closer to his body. She brought her lips to meet his and lightly sucked and nipped at his lower lip.

Her free hand placed on top of his. She guided his hand to her waist and held it firmly. As she let go of his hand, trusting that it would stay there, she moved her free hand up and around his neck, playing with the little hairs that rested behind his head. Lust sparkled in her emerald eyes as she thought about all the things that he could do to her.

Slowly he removed his hand from her waist and tried to undo her hands from his body. Her hands felt so tiny and so soft against his rough, larger ones. The scent of her hands would last on his for hours. The smell of Victoria's Secret "Passionate Kisses" would be lingering in his senses for hours to come.

"I want this. I know YOU want this. We both want this. So why not do this?" she asked him almost rhetorically.

It took all of his willpower and manpower to take her hands in his and push her away from him.

"Because Buffy, we're not ready for this! I've done the "let's have sex" thing and I don't want to hurt you like that! From what I can tell you've been hurt too much for too long, and I'm sorry but I will NOT add more to that,"

"I won't get hurt Ford," she tried to persuade him. She truly did want this.

"Maybe I'm not ready, okay?" he threw out on the table.

Questions were now definitely dancing in her head. "What does he mean, he isn't ready? He's had sex before, what is he talking about?" She thought to herself.

"Look Buffy, it's not about you or anything like that. I'm trying on this new thing where I'm not a jerk, and I don't want to screw this up. I really, really like you and I'm starting to think that maybe I'm falling in love with you," he admitted to her.

Her eyes widened with shock at his confession. That confession alone made her want him even more.

"God! Why do you have to be like that?" she cried out to him. He wasn't sure if she was really asking him that, or if she was just asking herself out loud. He took his chances and answered her.

"Like what?" he asked confused.

She huffed and willed her tears to stay inside of her. Still feeling the trickle of a few fall down her cheeks, Buffy quickly and expertly wiped them away.

"Why do you have to be so honest and good and tell me that you're falling in love with me? Why am I with you?" she questioned herself. The last question she whispered to herself, but she had a sneaking suspicion that Ford had heard her.

"Why Buffy? Because I'm not some asshole who'd rather fuck you then hold you? Someone who'd rather make you believe that you're nothing than someone who would worship the ground that you walk on?"

"Exactly!" she cried out! "Every guy that I've been with has made me believe that I could trust him and then they shit all over it! They all have been exactly like this when I've started dating them, so how do I know that you're not going to do the same exact thing?"

"Because I'm different!" he tried to convince her. "Is that the kind of guy you want me to be? Because I can and have been that guy in the past Buffy, but I thought you were a girl with a little more morals and higher standards then the girls I used to date,"

Buffy couldn't respond. She'd never been confronted that bluntly about her past, at least not by anyone other than her own self. She opened her mouth to try and say something, anything, but found it difficult to form words that she had no clue of.

Ford saw the battling going on within herself and rolled his eyes at her. "Fuck this," he stated and went to leave.

Buffy shot right up as soon as she saw him turn around to leave. She placed her hand on his shoulder in hopes of stopping his movements. She was successful. As soon as he felt her hand on his shoulder, there was no question about whether or not he'd stop or if he'd continue on.

He continued to lay there, smug and apparently not bothered by the fact that she had just walked in on him getting some from another girl, and it wasn't just any other girl, it was her best friend. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted to beat him within an inch of his pathetic life, but she couldn't. Instead she just looked at him.

His Greek god-ish body shone in masculinity as he sat up from the bed with a familiar look in his eyes. He raked his lustful eyes over her body and smirked in satisfaction. No matter how many girls he slept with, she was the best. Perhaps it wasn't JUST that he taught her everything he knew, but also that, she loved him. She carried an extra fire, an extra passion that empowered their love making.

He held out his hand for her to take and join him in another wild adventure together. Buffy wasn't sure how long she stared at his hand, it could have been hours, minutes, days. All she knew was that, this was going to be the last time she saw him, felt him, most likely make love to him.

Even though she knew, in taking his hand would damn her even more, all inhibitions were out the window. She needed tonight with him, even if his actions did disgust her. Slowly she reached her hand out and felt his against her palm. She hated that he smirked at the thought that she had just dismissed that whole scene before her. Oh how she had an eye opener for him.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Internally, Buffy really was debating with herself about whether or not to even tell him her news. She vaguely wondered if she did, if he'd even care. As soon as that thought entered her mind, it disappeared. He might not care, but he'd certainly be upset about losing his favorite whore. Really, that's all she was.

Her mind was taken off of recent enlightening information in her life, when she felt his erection pressing against her stomach. As his one hand held her neck firmly, the other one traveled south on her body. His fingers worked their magic on her body, creating her to give into the sensations. She couldn't help but moan in satisfaction.

He brought her closer and closer to his body until finally his lips were sucking on her neck as her hands ran up and down on his arms, to his shoulders, enjoying the feel of his soft skin.

His lips abandoned her neck and made their way to her mouth where he fiercely attacked her lips proclaiming that they were his. As his tongue mimicked what his body wanted to do to her, Buffy found herself wishing that they could just do this and get it over with. For the first time, she actually wanted them to just have a quickie and be done with it. Perhaps then, she could move on with her life and never look back.

Unfortunately, he didn't have the same thoughts she did. He was delicately taking his time, worshiping her in many ways. The condescending mockery that he was making of her was not lost on her. The little voice inside of her head told her "Just as soon as he's done, we'll leave and that'll be it,"

With a firm new mind set, she tried to hurry him along.

"Please," she fake begged. She knew he loved it when she begged and it made him work even faster at entering her.

"You want me baby?" his husky voice filled the room.

She looked into his eyes and told him "You know I do,"

"What do you want me to do?" he asked as his hand found it's way to her zipper to her pants. As he slowly unzipped her tight hip-hugger jeans, she thought about the best way to word her answer.

"I want you to fuck me," her voice was low and filled with lust and want. Her lips attacked his as he pulled off her jeans. He broke of their kiss and looked at her. She was wearing a tank top with a light jacket over the top and her black panties. Her hair was messy from where his hand had roamed in her locks.

A low rumble emerged from his chest. Those words were music to his ears. Short, simple and to the point. She wanted him to fuck her, well by god, he would. Expertly he flipped them over so he was on top. His hand moved from her hips down to her core. He was pleasantly pleased to find how wet she was for him. Not wanting any foreplay tonight, he entered her in one smooth thrust.

He stilled his motions for a moment to let her get used to his size. As she brought him closer to her body to pull him further inside of her, she kissed his shoulder as he started to thrust his hips.

He started off with a slow pace and decided to torture her. Each time she came closer and closer to her climax, he'd back off, and she was left hanging. Finally she'd had enough and hurried his thrusts. She couldn't be sure, but she could have sworn he whispered "Greedy bitch,"

Heatedly they met their hard thrusts and soon Buffy was reaching her climax again. This time he let her have it. As she came, his climax was triggered as well. He held nothing back and spilled his seed inside of her.

Even though she was tired from their "sexual encounter" as Buffy was claiming it to be, she rolled over and started to get her clothes back on. He was already fast asleep. She rolled her eyes at him. It was just like him to be like that. Hopping into her pants, she zipped up her jacket and headed over to the door.

She dared to look back one more time. As soon as she did, she found herself walking over to his dresser. She took out a scrap of paper and a pen and quickly jotted down a note.

"I'm sorry Ford," Buffy apologized to him. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. She was such a screw up sometimes. Correction: she wasn't a screw up; she just had a big mouth. "I am SO sorry," she apologized again.

He turned back to face her. In her eyes he saw how lost and confused she truly was. She really had never been truly loved by someone before and if he wasn't mistaken it scared the shit of her. He realized that if he really wanted to make this work with her, which he did, they would have to do things even slower than he anticipated. They certainly weren't ready for sex that was for sure. It wasn't just him that wasn't ready, it was both of them.

"Buffy," he whispered to her.

Slowly he captured her in his embrace and held her as she worked out whatever it was it that was bothering her, in her head. She accepted his warm offer and returned it to him as well.

"I'm sorry I got so heated up. It wasn't right of me to just give up so quickly. I just got frustrated, and I am sorry as well," he apologized to her.

She smiled at him with warmness.

"Well since we're both sorry how about we just forget this little incident and go back to the way things were going?" she offered.

With a wink he happily agreed. "I think Ms. Summers, that is an excellent idea."

She slightly giggled which in turn made him laugh. When she giggled it was like looking into the face of a six year old who had just been tickled. She was so cute sometimes. He shook his head and asked her, "So, about this whole Winter Dance thing,"


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The weeks traveled on and the air outside in the usually quiet town of Sunnydale California, didn't go grow cold, but it did hit "chilly" once or twice. Buffy had been excited and on a brilliantly shining high since Ford asked her to the Winter Dance. She went shopping with Willow to pick out her dress and came across the most beautiful dress she had ever seen in her life.

It was a long dark purple dress, almost velvet texture. The soft material came up to Buffy right above the curve between her breasts. It was sleeveless and had sparkles in the front on the top half of the dress. Buffy sighed as she looked at her dress hanging in her closet. Playing with the bottom hem of the dress, she couldn't help but smile. She'd been waiting and wanting this night to come for what seemed like ever.

She and Ford had been getting pretty hot and heavy the last few weeks and Buffy thought for sure that tonight was the night they were finally going to make love. She knew this time that it was right. When she found herself day dreaming about him in the middle of class, she had a feeling that she cared for him a lot more than she realized. When Willow asked her about it, Buffy honestly told her "I think I'm in love with him,"

Willow of course, had only reacted naturally and jumped for joy for her best friend. She couldn't help but notice how Buffy seemed to be a lot happier since Ford entered the picture. She seemed to enjoy life a lot more and be more willing to have fun.

As soon as Buffy had the chance to tell Willow about Ford asking her to the dance, Buffy took it and squealed to her best friend about the entire thing. She managed to convince Willow that she and Oz and Buffy and Ford should be double dates. Willow had agreed and evil plans were hatched for the night of the Winter Dance.

The Winter Dance was the next night and Buffy couldn't contain her excitement. She longed to have a night of teenage normalcy and she found that being with Ford brought her that most of the time. Hearing the little "ding" from her computer screen, Buffy smiled and went to see who was on line and who had just IMed her.

Wiggling her mouse a few times she saw the familiar orange box at the bottom of her screen and smiled. She opened it box and her greeting this time was: What's up sexy thang?

She laughed and started to type.

Cookiedough1999: nm, u?

Sexy_badass: just thinkin' about a cute girl i've been talking to

Cookiedough1999: oh? And how do you know she's cute?

Sexy_badass: i just have a feeling ;)

Cookiedough1999: i think we've already established your cocky attitude ;)

Sexy_badass: yeah i know, it's usually what gets me in trouble :s

Cookiedough1999: yeah i know whatchya mean… it's usually what makes me fall for guys

Sexy_badass: oooh… *makes note on that fact*

Cookiedough1999: ha ha :P

Sexy_badass: oh come on, you don't really love your bf do you?

Cookiedough1999: actually i do, yeah

Sexy_badass: oh

Cookiedough1999: tho i do care about you a lot

Cookiedough1999: and i have the perfect opportunity for us to meet if you're willing

Sexy_badass: sure

Cookiedough1999: well my birthday is coming up and my friends are throwing me a party and i would love it if you would be there so we can meet :D

Sexy_badass: sounds great, i'd love to… just make sure to give me dets on everything

Cookiedough1999: yep, when I know more, i'll tell you

Sexy_badass: so, how old will you be actually?

Cookiedough1999: well i'll be turning 18 :D

Sexy_badass: i thought you already were 18

Cookiedough1999: oh, yeah, when it grows closer and closer to my birthday it's just like a way for me to get used to saying how old i'm going to be *shrugs*

Sexy_badass: oooh, so you'll technically be legal ;)

Cookiedough1999: only in your dreams mister, lol

Sexy_badass: but i can dream, can't i?

Cookiedough1999: hehe

Cookiedough1999: well i hate to tell you, but i won't be on tomorrow night

Sexy_badass: oh no! where will you be?

Cookiedough1999: it's our winter dance and my bf and i are going :D

Sexy_badass: that's wonderful… I hope you have a great time

Cookiedough1999: thank you :D I hope so too

Sexy_badass: well i better let you go, it's late

Cookiedough1999: okay, well, I'll e-mail you tomorrow and maybe i'll catch you on line after the dance

Sexy_badass: sounds like a plan

Cookiedough1999: alrighty, well, goodnight

Sexy_badass: ttfn

::Cookiedough1999 has signed off::

Buffy turned her screen off and climbed into her warm bed. She laid her head on the pillow and sighed. She had never met her on-line friend, but for some reason she felt that if she did, it would cause a lot of problems for her and Ford. She didn't know exactly how she felt, but she knew that even though they had never met, she felt a very strong connection to Mr. Sexy_badass.

With conflicting thoughts in her head, Buffy somehow managed to fall into the realm of sleep. Inside her dream Buffy was walking along the hallways of Sunnydale high. She was looking everywhere and didn't know what she was searching for, but she knew that it was here, somewhere. She made her way into the courtyard outside and walked down the steps to the first level. As she was walking along she felt a familiar sensation come over her.

It was in the pit of her stomach, right in the core. It was the same feeling she'd get when *he was pissed and she didn't know what lay ahead for that night. Searching around her panicked she didn't find him anywhere. She looked behind the bushes and beside the tree, nothing and certainly no one. She went a long on her search in her dream but still had the same feeling in her stomach.

When Buffy woke up the next morning she sat up and she had the same feeling in her stomach as she had in her dream. One thing she was sure of, something was coming and it wasn't good. She just hoped that nothing went wrong that night. She brushed her hair out of her face and let the dreams of the night before wash away like they were nothing. She literally hopped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

After jumping in the shower, Buffy waited to hear her new favorite song from Kelly Clarkson.

/Seems like just yesterday, you were apart of me. I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong. Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right. Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong. Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep, I'm barely hanging on/

Her voice filled her steam filled bathroom as she sang along to the song. Once she was done cleaning herself and washing her hair, Buffy dressed in her "comfy" clothes as she dubbed them. It was just a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt. She grabbed her dress, her make-up, and everything else she needed to ready herself for the dance. She threw everything in her bag and was out the door.

She walked outside and walked the two blocks to Willow's house. They were doing each other's hair and getting dressed and just do some bonding. Oz and Ford were picking them up there. Once she reached Willow's house she patiently waited for Willow to answer the door and for her night of wonder to begin.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

At eight o'clock sharp, Oz and Ford knocked on the Rosenberg's door to pick up their dates. The boy had decided to rent a nice car since Oz didn't want to take his ghetto van and all Ford had was his motorcycle, so the guys and girls decided to rent a car.

The door opened to reveal Mrs. Rosenberg with a smile on her face. Oz looked politely and nodded to his girlfriend's mother. Ford, with his ever present smile lately, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

"Hello, I'm Billy Fordham, I'm Buffy's boyfriend,"

Mrs. Rosenberg's reply was cut short when Buffy and Willow walked down the stairs to reveal their gorgeous selves. Willow was wearing a beautiful simple black dress, sleeveless, long and she looked elegant. She wore a beautiful pearl necklace her mother had let her borrow and had matching earrings.

Oz, who usually was stoic anyway, was speechless. He looked up at his girlfriend with love and devotion and just when he was about to say something, he stopped himself but kissed her as a show of affection.

Buffy reached Ford and in a gentlemanly fashion, took her hand in his and placed a kiss at the top of her hand. Buffy blushed at her embarrassment. With a light chuckle she looked at how handsome Ford looked and smiled herself. Licking her lips she eyed him and winked.

"Well, I think that everyone in the entire school is going to hate us Oz,"

Both the girls looked at him in wonder as to what in the world he was talking about. Buffy eyed him carefully, trying to find out what he was up to. She saw a hint of mischief, but that was normally there.

"What are you talking about?" she asked him wisely.

Ford chuckled softly and then leaned forward to capture her lips in a chaste kiss. When his lips left hers, he informed the group of what he meant, "Since we have the most gorgeous girls in the school on our arms, every guy is gonna hate us,"

Willow smiled at Oz who kept his usual blank look on his face, actually started to show an expression. Willow's large green eyes danced in excitement as her hand intertwined with Oz's.

An hour later…

The dance was going wonderfully. Willow and Oz were permanently attached at the hip on the dance floor. Anyone who was anyone could see how much they loved each other by the way that they held each other and the way that they just looked at each other. Buffy couldn't have been happier for her friend at that moment. Willow had found the man of her dreams and Buffy hoped Ford was her "man of her dreams". She had thought she had found that once upon a time, but sadly she had been very wrong.

The morning sun rose and shone through his bedroom window. Buffy not fully asleep opened her eyes and took that as her cue to exit. Slowly untangling herself from his arms, she lifted herself from his bed and put on the remainder of her clothes as quietly as she could. Finding her shirt was ripped, she tip-toed across the room and stole one of his. She doubted he'd even notice. Grabbing a piece of paper and pen she jotted a quick note and then without a second glance back at him, she left the room.

Hearing his door shut, he woke up from his peaceful sleep and was expecting to find his girlfriend still safely tucked away in his embrace. Instead he found a note on her vacant pillow.

_I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. We're moving. Don't try and find me. _

_Buffy_

"What the fuck? She's moving?" He thought to himself. He couldn't believe it! Not only couldn't he believe that she was moving, but she actually thought that he wouldn't try and find her? Oh she was sourly mistaken if she thought that she'd seen the last of him.

Wrapped up in Ford's arms, Buffy lost herself in the pleasure of knowing that she'd never have to be the person she used to be. She could be herself and not feel ashamed of what she was doing or who she was doing it to. She could just be for a while, and a lot of that was in thanks to the man whose hand she held onto at that moment.

She gave his hand a little extra tug and a little wink of her left eye to his right. With a "knock-'em-dead" smile, Buffy wrapped her arms around Ford's shoulders and pressed herself up against him as they swayed back and forth to the beautiful lyrics that were being played.

_Prayed for an angel  
To come in the night  
Shine some sweet light on me  
Found only strangers  
Then you came to me_

"You know this song should be our song," Buffy pointed out to Ford.

He looked at her curiously and knew that there was still a lot of her past she wasn't ready to share and he didn't want to push. Instead, he held her close and listened to Kelly Clarkson's beautiful song.

_Just when I'd given up  
You gave me love  
My world was tumblin' down  
You turned it around, baby  
_

"Can you explain to me why you think this should be our song?" he asked, knowing it was dangerous territory, but he felt like he had a right to know if it was going to be there song.

Buffy's body tightened slightly at his question but she kept her cool. She had told Ford a lot of the stuff that happened in her past, but she left out some crucial details. Thinking about it for a minute, she had a choice. She could tell Ford about what happened to her when she was sixteen and risk losing him or she could not tell him yet and hope and pray that he never brought it up again.

_You're some kind of miracle  
Ohhhhhh, You, You, You are  
You're a miracle to me  
_

Deciding that the latter option wasn't likely to happen, she'd have to go with the former. Suddenly she stopped dancing. Breaking off any contact with Ford she looked into his soft brown eyes and said calmly, "Can we talk outside?"

_Sweet revelation  
That look in your eyes  
Your touch in the night  
I found the sweetest salvation  
In your arms baby  
_

Ford nodded his head a little shocked and surprised that she wasn't freaking out. Perhaps now was the time that she would confide in him as he had tried to get her to do in the past.

Walking out the doors from the school to the not exactly chilly night air, but still wrapped his jacket around her bare shoulders to fulfill the clichéd role. The song was still heard distantly through the closed gym doors.

_When there's no mornin' sun  
Your tender love  
Came and just lifted me up  
Look what you've done baby_

Buffy took a few breathes and contemplated the best way to tell him about her past. She could be blunt and just come out and tell him or she could sit him down and tell him in the subtle not so blunt way. Turning to look at him, she looked into his eyes, into his trusting face, and knew that no matter how she told him, he'd be there for her. He was just that kind of guy.

"Ford, there's something that I need to tell you, and it's not something that I'm proud of," she started off.

_You, you're some kind of miracle  
Oh, you, you, you are  
You're a miracle to me  
_

Ford stepped closer to her and wrapped her up in his arms, giving her the encouragement she needed. Letting go of him, she took the largest breath she would have to take in her life and took a leap of faith.

"When I was sixteen, I had an abortion," she told him and it felt like this entire weight had been lifted right off her shoulders and just floated away into space. Now it was up to him to make his move. God she hoped that he made the right one, like she thought he would.

"Oh god, baby," he said as he put his hands on her face and hugged her tight against his chest.

_You brought joy to my heart  
I found love in your arms  
See what you've done to me  
You set my soul so free  
You came and you gave me the love that I need  
_

"I love you," he whispered in her ear.

_Oh you, you're some kind of miracle  
You, you are  
You're a miracle  
A miracle to me  
Baby you are  
Oh, a miracle to me_

"I love you too," she sighed with relief.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Buffy couldn't wait. Her friends were throwing her the biggest party of her life for her birthday. She and Ford had been attached at the hip since the dance, she was sure that they were making their friends gag every time they came around. She couldn't help it. She hadn't felt this happy in SO long. She had been starting to wonder if she ever would again.

When she was with Ford, she could finally feel like her previous way of life had never happened, and she could pretend that it had always felt this perfect. It was almost like she was high on some kind of drug, but with a much better high. This high she didn't come down from.

The only time she felt down the entire week, was when her on-line friend suddenly had to pull out of coming to her party. He said that something came up and he was really sorry, but it was something that he could not get out of. She understood, though she was a bit disappointed.

Shaking off her feelings, she put a smile right back on her face and waited for Ford to take her to her party. Her parents weren't home, again, and they didn't call. Not that she wasn't surprised. Standing up from her dresser, she checked her hair, her outfit and her make-up. She was all set to go. Just as she was heading down stairs, the doorbell rang.

She slightly squealed. Ford was here, and she was going to go out with him and have the best night of her life. Double checking herself before she answered the door, she smiled and opened up the door.

There he was.

Her equivalent to the crash of '29: Angel.

She couldn't move. Her whole body was in shock. Seeing him and his big brown eyes staring down at her, her first reaction was "God he looks good" then it was followed by the mind numbing fear, "Oh god, how did he find me?" She thought she had been SO careful. She had told no one of where they were going and hadn't had any contact with anyone in LA since. She had guessed that he would swear that he would find her, and he did.

Coming back into a semi-conscious state, she looked at him and still saw the most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes on in her life. The one thing she couldn't figure out was, if he had been expecting to see her, why did he look just as shocked as she did?

As both of them looked on in complete shock, surprisingly, Buffy wasn't the one who fainted. Angel fell to the floor with a loud thud as his head hit Buffy's porch. For a brief moment Buffy looked down at Angel and contemplated what she should do. Should she just run back inside and call the police? Should she just bail and get the fuck out of there? Should she check to see if he's okay? If she did that, what if he was just playing and it was a ruse to try and kidnap her? What if he really had fainted? What should she do?

"Oh shit," she thought to herself. She always let her emotions get the best of her, and that was what had caused her to stay with Angel for so long. Stupidly, she hadn't learned at all, as much as she thought she had.

Bending down, she called out his name, "Angel?"

He didn't move or flinch or blink or anything. She tried again a bit louder. "Angel?"

Still, no sign of anything from him. Sighing, she pushed on his shoulder and practically shouted, "Angel!"

Clapping her hands in front of his eyes seemed to work, but only slightly. His eyes blinked and he made a grunting type noise. Buffy chose that time to slightly back away in case he did try something, and held onto part of her doorway.

Angel felt like he had been hit by a truck and winced at the pain in the back of his head. It was throbbing like he had a bad hang-over. Sitting up, he put his hand to the back of his head to see if it was bleeding, not even noticing Buffy standing right in front of him. Thankfully, there was no blood.

"Are you okay?" Buffy's voice cracked as she avoided any and all eye contact with him.

That voice made his head snap up to look at her. Once he did, he regretted it because the pain worsened even more. Wincing badly, Buffy couldn't help but not look on pleasantly. His glossy eyes roamed over her face remembering and memorizing it once again. Her blonde hair was slightly pushed behind her ears and couldn't see how long it was, but the last time he saw her, it was about down to her middle back. He used to *love* to pet her hair. When things were good between them, it always used to make her purr slightly and help her fall asleep.

Pulling himself out of the past, he slightly blinked and answered her question at hand as she stared at him blankly. "As well as to be expected,"

"I know what you mean," she answered his double meaning statement.

There was an eerily quiet moment that occurred between the two once lovers. Neither knew how to act, what to say or how they should feel.

Finally, Buffy broke the silence.

"What are you doing here?" she asked slightly scared and slightly annoyed. It would be just the thing that of all the time in her life that she would see him again, it would be the perfect time to fuck up the best thing she had going for her.

Fumbling for the right words he explained, "I was supposed to meet this girl that I've been talking to online. Cookiedough1999. Are you her?"

Suddenly her eyes grew huge. Not believing her fate or luck in life, he was the guy she had been spent hours talking to online? He was Sexy_badass? Oh wasn't her life just shit?

"You're Sexy_badass?" she demanded!

"Oh god!" he exclaimed as both of them felt like such stupid idiots for not picking up on it sooner. He should have realized it as soon as she told him she lived in Sunnydale. He had found out she had moved there about a year after she had left him. By that time, he had already seen the error of his ways in treating her and where that road would lead him if he continued.

Buffy wanted to smack her head. Signs that she hadn't seen before, were so obvious now. He worked in a car shop. She couldn't remember a time when Angel didn't work with cars. His twin brother: Angelus. The thought of him brought some ugly memories back for Buffy that she would rather have a sex change for than remember.

Shaking out of her thoughts, she remembered that she had to be at her birthday party. She didn't really know what to say to him. She was slightly concerned that if she just walked away from him he would follow and she didn't want to think about where that could lead. One thing that she was sure of, was that if she wasn't there soon, Ford would come looking for her, and that would also be a very bad situation.

At the party at the Bronze…

Willow looked around and saw all of her friends there. Xander was with Anya, she was there with Oz and Ford was waiting around worried. He kept checking his watch every two minutes. She started to grow worried when he started to pace around the floor with this certain look on his face. She deemed it his "resolve" face. The next thing she knew, he was taking off.

"I'm gonna go find her!" he called out as he grabbed his jean jacket and walked into the alley behind the Bronze. It wasn't like Buffy to be late, especially to her own party. He wondered what was up.

As he quickly walked and half way ran the way to Buffy's house, he finally got up to her street and slowed down as he approached her yard. Looking up, he found Buffy talking to some other man. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but suddenly he saw the man take Buffy in his arms and kiss her passionately.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 A

/Angel's POV/

It was all so bizarre. I thought I had lost Buffy forever. When she walked out on me a few years ago, she had said for me not to find her. Back then, of course, I searched everywhere for her. I virtually tore L.A. apart, questioning all of her friends and neighbors. She hadn't told a soul where she was moving. I guess I could have considered myself lucky that she even told me- well, let me know that she was moving.

After so long, I stopped searching for her. That was when I started to see other girls. None of them held a candle to Buffy of course, but still I compared them and quickly grew tired of them one by one. None of them mattered, they were just a warm body to fuck each night and I could pretend that it was her that I was holding in my arms at night. I'd wake up in the morning and of course, it wasn't her.

My twin brother, Angelus, moved in with me at one point. He said that it would do us some good to live together. We could get close again, hang out, party, scam chicks, party. You know? Have a good life. Boy, were we stupid. You see, back then, my brother and I were extremely similar. We both liked to drink, get high, screw hot chicks and call it a night. That was, until I got in that accident.

I was driving home one night from a party by myself, and I was just listening to my music, kind of tired, but not drowsy. I bent down to get my cell phone and when I looked back up, there was a deer in the middle of the road. I swerved to miss it and went down in a ditch that managed to flip my car over once. Needless to say, the next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital.

After that, my whole life changed. I decided no more drugs, no more consecutive one-night stands. I wasn't going to be a choir-boy, but I definitely had an eye-opening experience. I had never been so utterly scared in all of my life and I decided that if I ever had the chance to see Buffy again, I would tell her how much of a fucking asshole I was and not that I would expect her to ever forgive me, but to possibly start over.

Angelus didn't understand the way that I decided to approach life and I didn't think highly of the way he lived his anymore, so he moved out and we haven't spoken since. That was about a year ago.

I still had my job at the auto shop and one night, late after work, I signed on-line to check my e-mail. There, out of the clear blue, this person sent me an instant message. I didn't recognize the name, but they introduced themselves and she told me we had a mutual friend. That made it a little easier. Soon we got to talking almost every day, and I felt a real connection to her. One I hadn't had in a long time.

When she told me about her birthday, I had originally wanted to say no, and come anyway, but I decided against it for some reason and said yes. A day or two later, my boss from the shop called me and told me that one of the weekend mechanics couldn't make it and he'd pay me extra to come in. Unfortunately, I had to tell her that I couldn't make it after all. The next day, my boss called me and told me that he didn't need me after all. So, I went home, changed, got in the car and drove to Sunnydale.

Now, here I am.

There she is, in front of me. "The girl that got away," so to speak. Not that I did much to convince her to stay, or treat her in the way that I should have. How it happened I'm not sure. One minute she was saying that she had to go back to her boyfriend, I was trying to convince her to stay and talk to me. When she said that going back to her boyfriend was more important than staying with me and realizing that we've been talking for months but not knowing who it was, I grabbed her and kissed her to show just how important it was.

That's when we were interrupted.

21 B

/Ford's POV/

There we were; all five or six of us. We were waiting for Buffy to finally show up. The original plan was for me to pick her up and bring her back here. Unfortunately I was the only one at the last minute who could go pick up her cake from the bakery. Immediately I called her house to let her know the change of plans.

I got her machine. I absolutely hate to leave messages. Even in emergencies. Assuming she was in the shower and that's why she couldn't pick up the phone, I left her a quick message explaining to meet me at the Bronze at eight.

It was ten after eight and still Buffy hadn't show up. It wasn't like Buffy to be late. It *was* always possible that she didn't get my message. Thought if she hadn't, she would have called my cell by then and bitched at me for being late. Something definitely wasn't right.

"I'm gonna go find her!" I shouted to the gang as I left the Bronze and headed out to get my girl.

Leaving the Bronze, I jogged as fast as I could to Revello Drive. It was almost like something out of some movie. All I could hear were my size eleven feet hitting the cold pavement in the blackness of the night with only the streetlamp as my company.

I could feel it in my gut. Something wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was, but I knew. It was kind of like having a swarm of bees in my stomach. One wrong move and I would be stung all over.

Finally, I reached her house. Taking a second to take a deep breath and compose myself, I stepped to her walkway.

There she was. She was standing in front of her house, looking as beautiful as she always had. Her long blonde locks were blowing ever so slightly in the almost non-existent breeze. There she was- talking with another man!

"What the hell?" I thought to myself.

He appeared to be about six feet tall and had short spiky brown hair and broad shoulders. This was no small man. Unfortunately I couldn't get a good look at his face, as his back was turned away from me.

They looked to be in the middle of a conversation. I strained to try and make out the topic but it was no such luck. Obviously what ever they were talking about was private and they didn't want anyone to hear it. I respected that. I may not have liked it, but I respected it. Some things, some topics, you don't go screaming about in the neighborhood. There was just one tiny problem.

"WHO the FUCK is this guy?" I shouted to myself in my head.

Looking back up at my girlfriend and the strange man, I gasped at the sight in front of me. His lips were on hers. His dirty, disgusting lips were on hers and it made me see RED.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" I screamed, exposing them to my presence.

Buffy immediately broke their kiss as soon as she heard my voice. She looked at me with complete and utter fear in her gorgeous green eyes. I had never seen her look so scared in the entire time I'd known her.

Then, he turned around.

21 C

/Buffy's POV/

My heart literally stopped beating. I kept beating myself up. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let Angel kiss me? After all the time that it took me to get over him and after all the time I spent with Ford? I mean, I won't lie and say that I never loved Angel, but I LOVED Angel. I LOVE Ford. How did this happen?

I knew it looked bad. I knew exactly how Ford was feeling, because I had felt it too once upon a time. I remember walking into that apartment room and finding Angel in bed with my best friend. I remember how angry I was, and how betrayed I had felt. I remember how my heart literally sank at the sight of them together and I remember how even though I was so hurt, I didn't have the strength or courage to walk away.

"Ford-" I started to apologize, but was instantly cut off.

"YOU'RE Ford?" Angel asked disbelievingly, a bit of his old self creeping back into his system. There was something about me that just made his possessive button turn on. I had always found it incredibly annoying and incredibly sexy. Now I just found it insulting.

Ford sized Angel up and down and I can't be sure what he was thinking but it looked like he was trying to determine if he could take him in a fight. I've seen Angel fight and I know that as big as Angel looks, he can handle someone bigger then himself. Though, I have seen Ford take someone close to Angel's size, so it would be an interesting fight to watch. Oh! There could be oil of some kind involved.

"Get a grip Buffy!" I shouted to myself. I turned my attention back to Angel and Ford who had engaged in some sort of shouting match as I had drifted off.

"What's it to you who I am?" Ford asked Angel not afraid and not backing down from the slightly larger man in front of him.

Putting on his smug face, Angel chuckled slightly and backed off a little bit. Seeing that, Ford took the next step and got in Angel's face. "Who the hell are you? Who the hell is this guy Buffy?"

"Oh you've found a real winner with this one Buffy," Angel mocked. "What? You didn't tell him about me? You didn't tell him how you left me high and dry with no way of getting in touch with you after being together for a year? How I woke up to find you in bed next to me and all I found was a note?"

"See! This is exactly why I did that! You lied! You haven't changed a bit! You're still the same disgusting, possessive asshole that I left two years ago! You think that my whole world revolves around you! Well guess what Angel? I've moved on!" I declared to him. I hoped that Ford got the message as well that I had moved onto him and that I loved him deeply.

Ford looked at me like I had just stuck him with a ten foot fishing pole in the gut. His eyes were so wide that I thought they were going to go off of his face. The look of surprise was evident, but it was that shocked surprise that coursed through him. Clearly that wasn't something he was expecting.

"This is *him* Buffy?" he gritted through his teeth.

I simply nodded my head.

"You son of a bitch!" Ford shouted at Angel as he advanced onto him. Ford pulled his right hand back and hit Angel square in the jaw with his right cross. "Do you have ANY idea what you did to this girl? Do you have ANY idea what kind of damage you did to this girl's psyche?"

With Angel on the ground, I grabbed Ford to hold him back from continuing the fight.

"Let's just go Ford, please?" I begged and pleaded with him. Surprisingly I was a little afraid of Ford at the moment. I had never seen him look so- possessed almost. His eyes were a near shade of black and he looked like he could kill Angel just by looking at him.

"Why were you kissing him?" Ford ignored my plea or fleeing the scene.

I took a breath and explained the situation, "I didn't kiss him! He kissed me! As soon as it started it ended with you shouting at us! I didn't know he was coming here Ford, I swear. You know that guy I told you about, that I was talking to on-line?"

"Yeah,"

"Well fate must really hate me because he's on the ground right now next to you," I explained.

Ford looked at me, looked at the guy starting to get up off the ground and laughed hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Angel asked angrily as he reached his full height.

"LIFE!" Ford declared yelling it out into the night sky. "Life," he paused, "is funny. Life, has a way of throwing you the dramatic ironies it owns. Out of all the possible people for her to meet and start talking to on-line, it HAD to be you!"

"Ford, if I had known, I wouldn't have been talking to him," I tried to reassure my boyfriend. I put on my best front that I despised the larger man aside my boyfriend. Internally I pondered if that was really true.

Angel looked at me and I could see the evident hurt in his eyes and while I was slightly triumphant that I had slightly hurt him after all the pain he had caused me, I saw understanding in his eyes as well. Could it really be true? Could he really have changed? He had been as equally shocked to see me tonight, so it was highly unlikely that he had been expecting to find me at this house tonight. Maybe…

"Look Buffy, I'm gonna go back to the Bronze and tell them that you're not coming. Then I'm gonna go to my house and I don't want you to call or come by. I just, need some time to think things out." Ford told me regretfully. I could see that it was hard for him, but he was saying it anyway.

"Fo-" I started to object but he cut me off.

"I know it wasn't your fault, and I know it just turned out to be a bizarre situation, but to see you kiss him and I don't care who kissed whom Buffy- His lips were on yours for however long, he obviously still has feelings for you,"

"I don't care!" I protested! "Ford! I LOVE YOU! Please don't do something because of circumstances beyond my or your control! I don't want to risk losing you over something this stupid!"

"Buffy!" Ford shouted, "I know this isn't stupid! I KNOW what HE once meant to you!" Disgust clearly came out in his voice as he glared at Angel who had decided to remain silent during their discussion.

"MEANT! Ford you just said it! MEANT to me! Do you know what you MEAN to me?" I asked him almost defeated. I had to make him understand that I was in love with him and NOT Angel. At least not anymore, I thought.

Ford took a breath and started once again, "I love you Buffy," I could see the difficulty he was having as he told me, "I'll call you tomorrow," as he walked away.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

As Buffy was watching Ford leave her house, Angel just stood there, unsure of what to do next. Clearly from her discussion with Ford, she was over him. Not that he expected her to still be in love with him or anything. He remembered when she used to be that passionate about him and a part of him that he thought he had left behind, longed for that feeling again. He yearned to feel needed and to feel in control.

"Buffy-" Angel's voice filled the deathly silent air.

"Don't-" she snapped at him as she turned to face him. "Don't say a word. You have done enough damage already in my life. Leave Angel. Leave Sunnydale and never come back. Forget that you came here. Forget that you found me." The last sentence came out in a harsh whisper than anything else. She turned to go back inside to the safety of her house when his voice filled the air once more.

"I love you Buffy,"

Buffy stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around to face him and informed him, "Love? I didn't even know you knew the word."

"Look, I know that I'm a hypocrite for saying it, but it's true!" He defended himself as he walked up to her porch to stand next to her. "Look, despite what you might think, I respect your relationship with Ford. But I will be damned if I just walk away, when I KNOW, the girl I was talking to was falling for me. And no matter what you say, we BOTH know that it's true,"

His accusation rang true in her head, she had been developing feelings for Sexy_badass the last few weeks, but it didn't matter anymore. Now that she knew who he was, it didn't matter to her anymore. Or so she was trying to convince herself.

"I won't deny it and say that I wasn't developing feelings, I was. But you know what Angel?" She asked him rhetorically. "Ford has never mistreated me, yelled at me, made me feel bad, or anything like that! Unlike some people I used to date. Ford LOVES me in any way you want to describe the word!"

"I already told you that I've changed! I'm not like that anymore! I haven't been like that for a while. You know what I think Buffy? I think you're scared."

"What?" she asked not believing what he just accused her of being.

"You heard me. I think you're scared *because* I've changed! You know that I wouldn't hurt you now and you're scared to death of the feelings you have for me. You're scared that you're going to end up hurting Ford-"

"Shut up! How dare you? How dare you assume anything about me OR my relationship with Ford! All you know is what I chose to tell you when I didn't know who you were!" Buffy ripped into him. "You've "changed"? From what you've shown me tonight Angel, it looks like it hasn't changed THAT much!"

"Alright, then let me prove it to you," he offered.

"What are you talking about?" she asked him simply.

Making sure he got his words right, he requested, "Let me prove to you that I have changed. Let me be your friend,"

"My friend?" she questioned disbelievingly. Angel wasn't friends with a lot of people, least of all girls. What was he playing at?

"Yes, let me be your friend. Let me prove to you that I'm not the asshole I once was," he almost begged her.

Looking into his eyes, she could swear she saw honesty and nervousness. Those were traits that Angel had never shown nor express. Something was definitely a rye and with uncertainty and reluctance, she decided to take him up on his offer.

"Okay," she said.

Angel grew a huge smile on his face. That was all he needed.

"On one condition," she continued. "You have to promise that you won't try and break Ford and me up,"

That was a slight set back, but he could work with it and around it. He didn't want to blow his chance at getting her back, so he would have to be very careful.

"I swear that I won't try and break you and Ford up," he promised her.

She smiled a little, still greatly unsure of what in the world she was doing or what had she been thinking. Muttering a goodnight to Angel, she went back inside her house and back up to her room. It may have only been at the latest eight forty five, but she was exhausted. Old boyfriend, new boyfriend, a surprising twist, that's sure to make a great novel someday. All it needs is someone to wind up married, pregnant and dead, she thought to herself as she got on her computer.

As she was waiting for her monitor to come back on, the first thing she noticed was she had an instant message from someone. She didn't recognize the name or the e-mail account. All it said was: Soon.

Almost instantly her mind went to Angel, but then she stopped herself. It couldn't have been him. He couldn't have gotten to a computer THAT fast, and he was just as clueless as she was when they saw each other earlier. Who in the HELL was it? Starting to get freaked out, she made sure all the doors and windows were locked before she kicked back in her room for the rest of the night.

Changing into her pajama's, she randomly picked a movie to watch and threw it in the DVD player. As she was waiting for the movie to start, she got a sudden craving. Popcorn sounded really good. Getting up from her bed, she went downstairs to the kitchen. Looking in the cupboards she finally found the box with the popcorn that SHE liked. When her parents WERE home, they liked the kettle corn popcorn which made Buffy gag. She was more of an original type of gal.

Two minutes and forty seven seconds later, she was on her back up to her room. Sitting down on her bed, she grabbed the remote and pressed the play button. As the movie started and she began to eat her freshly popped, salty smelling popcorn, thoughts of what the future held filled her mind.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

The next morning, Buffy's head felt like she'd had a hang-over. The previous night held too much information for her to process at once. Her brain had a melt down and her hard-drive unfortunately wasn't repaired yet.

She threw her covers off of her and went about her daily routine. She got in the shower, got dressed, went down stairs for breakfast before she would head out for school. All throughout the morning, she still couldn't get that creepy message out of her head.

"Soon."

She was certain that she recognized the handwriting, but she just couldn't put a finger on it. It was almost on the tip of her tongue but she just couldn't place it. As she was deep in thought, sitting at her counter table, someone knocked on the back door.

Gently getting up, she opened the door and saw someone she hadn't expected to see. There was Angel looking stunningly gorgeous in the morning sunlight. He was wearing a white shirt and carpenter blue jeans. He was wearing the least complicated out-fit but everything he stood for baffled her.

"Good morning," he said genuinely with a smile on his handsome face.

A little stunned, she greeted, "Morning,"

Awkwardness settled in before he handed her a cup of coffee and explained the reason for his presence, "I brought you coffee. I remembered how much you like to drink it in the morning, and I thought as a "friend" I would be nice and bring you some."

Smiling, she offered her gratitude, "Thank you," she paused for just a moment and then questioned, "But the question is, did you remember what I like IN my coffee?"

He looked a little too confident, as she took a sip of the steaming hot coffee in her hands. As the hot liquid slid down her throat she moaned at the taste. It had a hint of cherry in it and just a little splash of milk and sugar.

"You DID remember," she told him giving him his props. She did find it rather interesting that he remembered something as trivial as to how she took her coffee.

"I remember everything about you," he said quietly, just barely loud enough for her to hear.

She looked away quickly, indicating to him, that she had heard him alright. She was still adjusting to the situation and probably would be for a while. He understood that it wasn't every day that your ex-boyfriend who treated you horribly came rushing back into your life and wanted to be friends.

"Oh," she said as she looked down and away from him quickly. "What are you up to today?" she asked quickly moving on to any other subject.

He didn't want to tell her that he was going to look for a job yet. He was sure if he did, it would only make her feel even more nervous around him than she already was. He definitely didn't want to scare her off.

"Just probably gonna hang around town. Do a little adventure around Sunnydale," he said partly true. He was going to have to look around Sunnydale if he wanted to find a place to live and find a job. He wasn't completely lying to her.

"That's nice," she said politely.

There was a awkward silence that fell through the Summers' kitchen as Buffy quietly drank her morning coffee and Angel just kind of stared at her. He still could not believe that she was standing in front him and she was not objecting to get the fuck away from him. Buffy noticed him staring at her and felt a bit unnerved.

"Okay, well, thank you for the coffee," she said politely trying to subtly push him out the door.

He nodded his head and returned, "You are welcome."

Glancing at the clock, she saw that she had to leave for school. Grabbing her back pack and swinging it over her shoulder, she told Angel, "I'm sorry to rush, but I have to go to school,"

He nodded his head in understanding.

Buffy opened the door and waited for Angel to pass her by as they were leaving. Turning around to lock the door behind her, she didn't feel Angel right next to her. She jumped a little to see him mere centimeters away from her body. Slightly she backed up against the door.

He put his hands on the door behind her at a little less than what her height to her head was. He had on a similar look that she recognized in a heartbeat. A tiny smirk on his face and a rush of memories came flooding back to her. The only difference was, they weren't memories of Angel, but someone that looked identical to him.

As much resentment and hatred she had felt for Angel that was nothing compared to what she felt for his twin brother. She would hate Angelus until the day she died. Nothing anybody would ever tell her about him would change her mind. He could become the next Pope and she would wish him to burn a thousand deaths in hell for all the heartache and pain he caused her.

**2 years ago**

It had been a night like any other. She and Angel had had a huge fight and she had stormed out. She was adamant about not going back that time. He had pushed her around one too many times. She was freezing quickly after she left Angel's apartment. The wind was blowing and Buffy hadn't remembered to grab her coat before she stormed out. She was rocking back and forth on a park bench, mustering up the courage to NOT go back down the street.

Suddenly she felt a jacket put around her shoulders. She recognized a familiar scent and wanted to smile at the gesture that he had come to look for her, and maybe a part of him DID care about her. She held back but couldn't resist looking at him.

"You know Buff," the sound of the voice sent chills down Buffy's spine. "I really hate the way that you have my brother so pussy whipped,"

Sneering, she responded, "Fuck off Angelus,"

Chuckling, he did the opposite. He sat down right next to her and smirked at the way that she was so uncomfortable with him in such a close proximity to her. He was amused. She was repulsed by him and he knew it.

"I have this little problem Buff," he started off, "Well, actually, it's not so 'little'," he corrected himself.

Rolling her eyes in disgust she shook off his leather coat and started to stand up.

"You're disgusting," she spat back at him as she started to walk away.

Grabbing his expensive jacket, he liked it when they played hard to get and Buffy was one fireball that he would love every second he had taming her.

Catching up with her, he grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. He pressed himself up against her, causing his hardening member to push into her stomach. She wanted to throw up at the mere thought of sleeping with him. He might have looked exactly like Angel, but despite how badly Angel treated her at times, Angelus just plainly creeped the fuck out of her.

"I can't do that Buff," he told her in an icy cold voice that matched his black holes for eyes. Buffy looked into his eyes and saw that there was nothing in them. She would joke around at times that his behavior had been like he "had no soul", but looking into his eyes, she seriously pondered if he did or not.

"Let go of me!" she demanded. She tried to rip her arm out of his grasp, but it was too tight. Each time she tried to break free, he kept gripping tighter and tighter. She knew that there would be a bruise there in the morning. Of that, she had no doubts. "What part of 'fuck off' and 'you're disgusting', did you NOT understand?" she asked him.

"You know you want me Buff," he taunted her. "We both know that you have since that first day we met," he recounted. "You could cut the sexual tension with a knife," he joked.

"That's because I was screwing your brother and you walked in on us," she retorted in a mocking, condescending tone.

"Yes, I remember that day quite well. Your beautiful backside was withering in pleasure as his dick was thrusting inside you. How I longed to rip you out of his arms and take you then and there myself. How I wanted to have you moaning MY name instead of 'Oh Angel! Please! Harder!'" He mimicked her and then laughed.

"You fucking bastard!" she screamed at him.

Tisking at her, he continued the game that he had built in his head on how this night would go for them. She was so predictable.

"You got me there baby," he said sardonically.

"I'm not your baby," she fought back. "I am Angel's though. That pisses you off doesn't it? It pisses you off that you finally met someone who doesn't want to screw you, but wants everything to do with Angel,"

"Yes, it was a shame that he found you first and not me. Usually I get the virgins and get to pop their cherry," he replied in his usual devilish tone. "And if anything Buff, you hating me with a fiery passion, only makes me harder for you,"

Dragging her to his car that he had conveniently parked not far from where they were, he shoved her in the back and planted himself above her. She was scared shitless. She had never trusted Angelus, but she couldn't fathom that he would go to these lengths to get her where he wanted her.

"Angelus please," she asked as she felt his weight coming closer and closer to her body. His arms were beside her head and his face was mere centimeters away from hers.

"Well, I'll be damned. I thought it would take awhile to get to the begging," he ridiculed as he chuckled to himself and thought, "Finally," Leaning down, he placed his cold lips on her soft, warm ones. Forcing his tongue inside of her mouth, he moaned at the feeling, while she gagged.

"What? Only *Angel* can treat you like the whore that you are?" he asked her.

Not thinking straight, she fired back, "What bothers you more Angelus? The fact that I won't act like a whore for you or that I'll only do it for Angel?"

He had to admit, she had a fire in her, and he liked that. He wouldn't find this so delectable of a situation if she hadn't fought some part of it. If she hadn't fought him, he probably would have just left her. Since she practically challenged him however, he felt obligated to accept the dare.

"You little bitch," Angelus said in a truly evil tone of voice.

She fought harder to get them out of this position and try to do anything to tip the scales in her favor. She tried to move her legs to knee him in a specific area, but he had his own weight on top of them. Slowly he moved in to kiss her once again. This time, she opened his mouth to him and bit down hard on his tongue.

"FUCK!" he shouted in pain. In reaction he slapped her cheek harder than what he had intended. Quickly, her cheek turned a rosy colored pink and he could see the strain in her eyes. She was trying hard not to cry and show any sort of weakness.

"You are one piece of work Summers," he complimented her in a cruel way. "Now," he started and then gripped her underneath her chin, slightly pressing on her throat, causing an unbelievable discomforting pain to course through Buffy's body. "Are you going to play nice or do I have to get mean?"

"Get?" she choked out. It was definitely not one of her brightest moments.

An evil laugh echoed throughout the car as he tightened the grip on her throat. He really didn't like the way that she was talking to him, but he knew that she would need a bit of training as how he and Angel had differences of opinion in that area.

As she was gasping for air, he moved his head closer to hers and ran his lips along her cheek, savoring each moment. "So sweet," he said as he tenderly stroked her beat red skin. The only thing he could think of that would make this better, was if she had let even one tear fall and he could taste its salty sweetness.

From that moment on, Buffy decided to not say a word, struggle or let him win with her sounds of disgust. Unfortunately, Angelus had already decided that her audience participation was a key element in tonight's game. Finally, he loosened his grip on her throat and she coughed a bit to regain some oxygen within her system.

She cringed at the sound of him unzipping her pants and wanted to scream out for help as she felt his hand closer and closer to a place on her body where only Angel had ever been. He tore off her shirt and was amazed at how perfect her breasts seemed to be. He had only had a quick glance at them bare once and since then, he fantasized about this moment.

There was no intimacy, at all. All Angelus wanted was foreplay, a way to dominate the situation, fuck her long and hard, and go home happier than he had been in months.

As he slipped two fingers inside of her, he could feel her starting to be slightly turned on and wet for him. He could only do one thing: smirk. He guessed that he didn't repulse her as much as she thought he did.

"What's this Buff?" he continued with his mocking as she knew what was happening inside her body. "Are you hot for little ol' me?"

Wisely, she shut up this time instead of saying something that she would regret later. Instead, she simply looked away from him. She was ashamed. Angelus and Angel's bodies were almost exactly the same. It was his body that turned her on, not him. Still, she shouldn't have even been turned on by his body.

Slowly and painfully, he built her climax with expertise. He would manipulate her body to the point where she was almost ready to explode and then he would stop. He did this several times. Finally on the last one, he still didn't let her come, but he entered her instead.

She gasped at the minor pain. He was slightly bigger than Angel in that department. Still, she had been without release for a long time and she was aching for it to be let out. She was almost to the point where she would openly beg Angelus to let her come. Almost being the key word.

He began his thrusts slowly, torturing her as often and as much as he could. Soon he was ready to climax himself. He knew the best way to get himself off.

"Who do you want Buff?" he whispered in her ear. She stayed quiet. Again, he tried, "Who do you want Buff?" Her response was silence. Massaging her breasts and causing pleasure to course through her system and to slightly whimper, he offered, "If you tell me who you want Buff, I'll let you come,"

She was breathing heavily. She knew the answer that he wanted. If she said anyone else BUT him, she was afraid of what he would do. Weighing her options she vowed to just answer his stupid question.

"You," she whispered in the meekest voice she could muster.

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked her, testing her.

"I want you," she said in a full sentence and loud enough for him to hear.

"Good girl," he said in a patronizing voice as he came within her. Feeling the relief in his body, he pushed himself off of her and zipped up his pants.

She felt like arguing with him. She should have known to have stayed quiet. Now she was humiliated, hurt, and in uncomfortable disarray. Plus she had no shirt and before she could grab her pants; Angelus snatched them away and held on to them.

"A little souvenir, along with these," he said as he grabbed her panties as well. To be even more of an asshole than he already was, he stuffed them in his jacket pocket to hold on to.

Buffy sat up and moved closer to the door.

"Uh uh!" he warned. "You tell anyone about this, especially Angel, and I'll make what happened here tonight seem like a romantic evening for two, you understand me?" he threatened.

Hearing the coldness and deathliness in his voice, she nodded her head.

Grabbing her chin in his hands to make her look at him,"DO you understand me?" he asked again, wanting a verbal response.

"Yes," she agreed.

"Good," he said as he gave her one last kiss on the mouth before he walked away leaving her naked, cold, unfulfilled and in a car. Down the street she could faintly see him light a cigarette as he walked away.

"God, what am I going to tell Angel?" she wondered to herself.

**Present**

"Back off!" she shouted angrily at Angel, who looked truly shocked and a bit frightened, himself. "Don't you EVER do that to me again!" she demanded of him.

Putting his hands above his head, he surrendered.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay," Angel apologized.

"Save your apologies, and just let me go to school," she told him in a heated voice.

He moved out of the way for her to leave and watched as she walked away and to her day at school. He wondered what in the hell caused her to suddenly react the way she had. Something was wrong and he was going to find out what it was.

As he left the Summers' back yard, he didn't notice someone behind the bushes that had watched their encounter.

"So, Angel's back in Buffy's life, huh?" the person said aloud. Shaking their head, the person left Buffy's back yard and relished in the hot sun beaming down on the dark hair that covered their head causing the person to feel all warm inside. Quickly, the person made it back to the hotel they had checked into. Inside the room was a picture of Buffy and her address.

"Get ready for a wild ride, Buff," the person vowed as they thought about all the havoc they were going to reek while in Sunnydale. "I'm back."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Buffy just barely made it to the high school. She had just enough time to run to her locker, dump off her back pack, grab her books and slide into homeroom in her seat next to Willow. She looked at Willow and mouthed "Close one,"

Willow simply nodded. When the teacher was done talking, Willow was finally able to turn to her best friend and ask her what in the heck happened to her last night.

"What in the heck happened to you last night?"

Buffy sighed and prepared to explain to her best friend that the one person who had made her life unbearable a few years ago, was now in Sunnydale and wanted to be friends.

"You are never going to believe this Willow," Buffy started to say.

Willow looked at her best friend intrigued. What ever her reason for not showing up last night was not just some stupid excuse. It was major.

"You know that guy that I've been talking to online?"

Willow nodded her head. She was intent on being supportive of her best friend, no matter what seemed to be troubling her.

Buffy took a huge breath to brace her best friend for the information she was about to divulge. "Do you remember me telling you about my ex-boyfriend?"

"Angel?" Willow questioned. She almost wanted to call him something meaner, but she wanted to be absolutely positive that Angel was the one Buffy was talking about.

Buffy nodded her head in agreement. She looked from side to side and lowered her voice in the softest whisper she could muster.

"He's the guy I've been talking to on-line."

Willow's big green eyes widened further, and her mouth practically fell to the floor in shock. This was not good news. She could only imagine what Buffy must be feeling. She knew that things were interesting with Sexy_badass, but Willow knew that Buffy was starting to fall for Ford as well. She didn't envy Buffy's life at the moment.

"Oh my god, you're kidding!" Willow could not believe what Buffy was telling her. It almost seemed too cruel that of all the people in the world, Buffy had to talk to that asshole again.

Buffy looked worn out and she could only shake her head. "Unfortunately I'm not. Anyway, he showed up at my house last night. Angel fainted before I could when we saw each other, but, Ford saw us."

Willow didn't quite understand. What was so bad about Ford walking in on Buffy talking to another guy? Ford didn't seem like he was *that* kind of jealous.

"Angel kissed me and Ford saw it." Buffy said meekly wanting to look away ashamed that she had let Angel's mouth on hers again after she had vowed and swore not to ever again.

"What did he say?" Willow living vicariously through her best friend inquired.

"Who? Ford or Angel?" Buffy quipped.

"Both! How did Ford react? How was the kiss? Was it awkward?"

"Slow down twenty questions girl! Ford wanted time alone, he's supposed to call me tonight sometime. The kiss? It was over before I knew it and it was awkward and it wasn't at the same time, you know?" Buffy came to realize. It was weird to have Angel kiss her, but at the same time, it felt like it had two years ago. That was a problem.

"No, I guess I don't exactly," Willow confessed.

"I'm sorry. Hey, I've got to get to class but I'll call you later, okay?" Buffy excused herself.

"'kay," Willow said in a small voice.

As Buffy walked away to get to class, Willow noticed there was a tall, extremely handsome man watching them from behind the trees in the quad. When someone walked in front of her, she looked again and he was gone.

Later that day after school was over with, Buffy decided to take the long walk home. It had been a while since she had and now was the perfect time to sort some things out going on inside herself. She knew that she was in love with Ford but what would Angel being back in her life mean? How would Ford feel since she told Angel that they could try to be friends? Would he be hurt? Would he break up with her?

"Ugh!" Buffy shouted to herself. This just plain sucked. Everything in her life was going great until the one person in the entire world who could royally fuck it up, came back into her life charging like a racehorse.

"Well…" Buffy thought, "the second worst person in the entire world." All of a sudden, panic struck her. She had to find Angel and talk to him!

Running to her house she was out of breath. "Wow, I really need to improve that," she aimlessly made note. Rushing inside she had to find Angel's number somewhere and find out when she could talk to him in person.

Changing her outfit into a sweatshirt and jeans, she came downstairs only to have a knock at the door. Opening it, she found the person she needed to talk to.

"Oh Angel, thank god!" She sighed with relief.

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that response from you so soon," he chuckled.

"Look, there's something I need to talk to you about and I need you to be completely honest with me,"

"Okay," Angel agreed without hestitating.

"I mean it Angel. This is serious," Buffy said sternly.

"Okay, I will tell you whatever you ask," Angel replied with an "I already agreed" attitude.

A moment passed and Buffy finally uttered her question, "When was the last time you talked to you brother?"

Pausing to think, Angel answered, "A year ago."

"Are you sure? He hasn't stopped by? Called you?"

"Yes I'm sure, Buffy. Why? What has Angelus got to do with this?" Angel was getting worried.

"Well if you found me, it would be easy for him to!" Buffy snapped.

"Why would Angelus be so hell bent on finding you? I mean I was for a while but, after so long, I just let you go." Angel tried to make himself sound more sympathetic.

"Look, there was something I never told you that happened between me and Angelus. But I'm tired of living with it and having his threat over my head. So, I'm just going to tell you," Buffy told him seriously.

He could see the intensity in her eyes that whatever she was going to tell him it was going to change their past and possibly their future.

Gathering the courage and trying to hold back the tears that were rushing over her, she took a few deep breaths and admitted, "He raped me."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

"He raped me." Those were not the words Angel was expecting to come out of Buffy's mouth. He honestly didn't know what Buffy had to tell him that had to deal with Angelus and her but not that.

He couldn't move. He didn't know what to say. He was silent.

"Angel? Say something!" Buffy pleaded.

Still, Angel was frozen. He was trying to process that information. In all honesty, it didn't surprise him that Angelus would rape a woman. He was that kind of sick son of a bitch. But the fact that Angelus had raped *his* woman, made his temper boil.

"When?" Was all Angel said. His tone was as cold as ice. It really was a moot point, but it was all that raced through Angel's mind. How long had Angelus lied to him? How long had Buffy kept it from him when they were together?

"Does it matter Angel? I just confessed the most horrific thing that has ever happened to me and you want to know *when* it happened?" Buffy was baffled.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. I just…I just need to know when it happened." Angel tried to plead his course of thinking.

"Two months before I left." She admitted.

"Is he why you left?" Angel choked out.

Tearfully she wanted to blame the whole thing on Angelus but with everything that happened in their relationship, she would have left either way.

"Angel!" She yelled at him. How could he be so blind to what he himself had done to her in their relationship? Maybe it was time for a reminder. "You slept with Faith! I would have left anyway! The way you treated me? The drunkenness? The few times you actually *hit* me? I'm surprised looking back it took me as long as it did to leave." Buffy paused to let the information sink it for Angel.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy finally felt it all go within her. She'd been holding it in for so long. She'd dreaded the day Angel would ever come back in her life, but now that he was, she could finally face him and all the things that he'd put her through. It was exhilarating being able to actually scream at him.

'Back on track Buffy,' she thought. "However, Angelus was the final straw. He threatened to do it again if I told you,"

"So…you left," Angel concluded.

"I figured it would be easier if I just took off. No one knew where I went or how to find me. Plus, I knew if I tried to tell you why I was leaving I might not have the strength to do it. You had this pull over me Angel. No matter how badly you hurt me I always came back. It needed to be a clean break. For me." She confessed to him.

Taking a moment to find the right words, "Buffy, I am so sorry for what he did to you. Mostly, I'm sorry I wasn't the kind of man you could turn to, to lean on and trust." He placed his hand on top of hers. His eyes were wide with sympathy and yearning to have her back in his life.

"Angel? That's not all I have to tell you." She meekly admitted to him. She could barely bring herself to look into his large soulful brown eyes for this next humdinger she was going to throw at him.

He was visibly confused when she said that his brother raping her wasn't the whole story. What else was there?

The tears started flowing from her eyes before she began. She had only ever told Ford what she was about to tell him. She had been keeping this a secret for so long, it was almost like she didn't know how to tell him.

Trying to process in her brain the right way to tell him, her lips blurted out, "I had an abortion" before she even knew what happened. Her mouth made an "o" and her eyes grew, she knew it herself without someone having to tell her. She couldn't believe she just said that! This incredible weight had just been lifted off of her shoulders.

"I'm sorry? You what?" Angel asked still confused.

"I am so sorry Angel. I should have told you. I-" he cut her off.

"I understand. I mean, what Angelus did was monstrous even for him. I understand you not wanting to raise his child." He consoled her as putting a hand on her shoulder.

Buffy swallowed hard.

"I don't know if it was his."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"What do you mean, you don't know if it was his?" Angel very calmly asked her. She could see his thoughts racing through his eyes.

"I mean, the night that he raped me, we had had sex that night." Seeing he needed more information, she elaborated. "When I found out I was pregnant, at first, I was excited. I thought maybe this is what Angel will need to turn his life around."

It struck him deep. If he was truly being honest with himself, back then, a child with Buffy was the last thing he wanted. He was so selfish, so angry, so messed up in his own life he couldn't have handled being a parent.

"The more I thought about it and when the doctor told me I was two months along, I knew. I had this sinking feeling throughout my whole body that it wasn't yours."

"But it could have been." He argued. He felt so angry at her for a split second. But then, considering everything in their past, how the hell was he kidding if he was going to be angry at her over this?

"You're right. It could have. I will wonder about that the rest of my life. But, Angel? You have to know that I couldn't bear the thought or the possibility that the baby inside me was his. It made me visibly sick." She argued her predicament.

"Shh. Buffy." He consoled her. "It's really okay. I have no right to judge or be angry at you when I've done so many more hurtful things to you in our past."

She couldn't believe it. She was so sure that he would have been furious with her. Raged against her for killing his unborn child. His kind words and actions made her think perhaps he really had changed. She was taking a huge leap in trusting him this soon.

"Angel… he can't find me. If he finds me, I don't know what he'll do." She was scared. He had never seen her like this. This was his ultimate test, he thought. He needed to be there for her. If they could get through this together, she would be able to trust him completely.

The sound of the phone ringing interrupted their intense emotional moment together. Breaking her hand from his, she got up to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Ford's voice was on the other end of the line.

"Hey," Buffy sounded surprised and relived at the same time.

"Listen Buffy," he started to say.

"Ford please don't do this. Don't throw away what we have!" She pleaded.

"Can I ask you something?" he inquired.

"Sure," she agreed.

"Are you going to let him back into your life? And I need an honest answer Buffy," Ford said sternly. It was important.

"Yes, I have to for right now." she replied as though that answer sealed the coffin shut on her and Ford's relationship.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I don't know if I could handle him being around all the time and you just being okay with it. I guess the bigger question you might have to ask yourself is, why are you okay with it?"

"Ford please," she pleaded.

"I love you, but I'm sorry. I can't sit around and watch you self destruct with this guy." Ford replied as he hung up with phone.

As the line went dead Buffy couldn't hold back the tears any longer. Her knees felt like jello and all she could do was flop to the floor hanging onto the phone for dear life. Angel, not knowing what to say exactly went over to her and simply sat next to her. He tried to console her but she wanted nothing to do with it. He was after all, the reason she was in such terrible pain to begin with.

After so long Buffy finally stopped crying, only to have passed out on Angel's shoulder. Carefully he picked her tiny frame up in his arms and carried her upstairs. Laying her on her bed, he tucked her into her covers and sat on the edge of the bed, just looking at her. Gently caressing her cheek with his palm he vowed, "I love you Buffy. No matter how long it takes for you to believe that, I will spend every day trying to prove it to you." Cautiously brushing the hair out of her eyes, he lightly kissed her forehead and whispered, "goodnight love".


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

When Buffy awoke in the morning she wasn't expecting to see Angel laying, sleeping on her floor next to her bed. He looked peaceful while he slept. Like his name truly fit him. She knew better once upon a time. She hoped and prayed to whoever was up there that this new Angel wasn't just an act. She didn't think she could handle it again if he wound up hurting her in the same way he had a long time ago.

As he was starting to stir, she made sure that she was properly attired. She didn't want to give him any ideas about that. Sure he had kissed her but, it would take a long time for her to trust him with her body again.

When his large chocolate eyes opened and saw she was already awake, he uttered, "morning,"

"Morning," she replied as she got out of bed.

'This is nice,' Angel thought to himself. He couldn't believe he was actually staring at her and her beautiful, angelic face. How he missed that face and those metallic green eyes. He smiled to himself.

Buffy awkwardly got out of her bed and walked to her door. She looked at Angel and quietly said, "I'm going to shower. Help yourself to some breakfast."

"Okay," he responded as he wiped the crusties out of his eyes. He propped himself on his elbows as she left so he could get a glimpse at her curvaceous butt. 'God she has a great butt,' he thought.

As he got up he smiled to himself and looked around her room. 'This is Buffy now, huh? She looks…happy,' he thought as he glanced at photos of her, Willow and Xander. All of a sudden he heard the shower running from her bathroom and had a massive sea of flashes of them in the shower together. 'Soon my love,' "We will be together again,". He said to himself as he left her room.

Making his way downstairs he rummaged through the fridge. There had to be something to eat in this house. No eggs. No bacon. Not even flour! No milk. What did this girl ever eat?

Running upstairs he called to Buffy, "Hey! You don't have anything to eat! Want to go to breakfast?"

He thought he heard a muffled "sure" coming through the pounding water that echoed throughout the house.

Ten minutes later Buffy was all set to go. He was always amazed at how she managed to get ready so quick. A lot of girls he knew took literal hours to get ready. Buffy had never been like that.

"Come on slow poke!" She teased him. "I'm starving!" she grinned as they headed out the door together.

After breakfast, they decided to go for a walk. It was an absolutely beautiful day. All the days in Sunnydale were beautiful Buffy thought. Even the dreary ones because she knew that Angel and Angelus had not found her.

Still, today, with Angel next to her, it was still beautiful.

They decided to walk around town. Why waste the time inside?

Buffy showed him all around. She showed him the high school, the UC Sunnydale campus, the Java Hut, the park that she would walk through with her friends and Ford.

Thinking about Ford, she got quiet for a minute.

"Buffy? It's okay about Ford. I know you love him," Angel consoled her. He placed a hand on her shoulder. Gathering herself she moved on.

"So Angel? You still read a lot?" she inquired.

"Not as much as I used to, or as much as I should." Angel continued. "I do miss it though,"

"Yeah, I mean, you're three favorite things were booze, fucking with me and reading!" Buffy snipped unintentionally. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." she apologized.

"No, it's okay. It's not like it was a lie. That's how I was. I don't even know really what started the drinking. But, what happened to me, made me vow never to drink again." He confirmed to her. "I want you to know that Buffy. I may get into places in my life where I really want to, and I have been tempted in the past, but I have been sober for two years."

She was really proud of him.

"Angel, that's wonderful. I just hope it continues to be that way." She gave him a small smile.

Angel sure had his work cut out for him if he was ever going to convince Buffy he had changed. She'd be worth it though, he concluded.

As the day continued on they talked here and there. There were some long periods where they didn't speak. It wasn't awkward, just, content.

"I guess, it's time to say goodnight then," Angel breathlessly said to her at her doorstep as it had become night all of a sudden.

Looking up into his eyes, she lost herself for a second. She allowed herself to be back in the moment she first laid eyes upon him. How handsome he was, how he seemed like he would do anything to protect her. How she had wondered what their future held and what kind of man he was and would be.

Just for a second…

Buffy leaned in and prepared herself to kiss him.

He couldn't believe she was going to allow him to kiss her. Softly, he tucked the hair behind her ears, bracing himself as he was about to kiss her so tenderly.

Instinctively, she pulled back just as she felt his lips on hers.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"It's okay," he said. "It would have been a lot. I will see you tomorrow." He bid her goodnight.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

After an actual not that bad day with Angel, Buffy came down her stairs pulling her hair back. It was a veg kind of night and she was going to full take advantage of it. Anything to take her mind off of that 'almost' kiss with Angel would be very comforting at the moment.

Plopping down on the couch, she grabbed the remote and turned on the t.v. She had just turned on a movie when her doorbell rang. "Just what I need," she thought to herself.

"Just a second." She got up and paused the movie. Peering through the glass at the doorway she saw that it was Angel. "He sure is persistent". She thought to herself and couldn't help but let a little smile escape her lips as she thought about it.

"Angel, now's not a good time." She told him through the door.

"I just want to see you." He replied. There was something a little off with his voice but she figured it was just that he was behind the door.

Opening the door she greeted him, "What? All day wasn't enough for you?"

"Geez Buff. I sure am impressed if you can go all day long. Where was that the night we were together?"

Panic flushed through her tiny body. Angelus. He had found her. The only word flashing through her brain was "fuck"! She couldn't move. She couldn't even muster up a squeak from her voice. Her eyes were like a deer caught in headlights. He must have found this amusing because he simply smirked at her.

"Aren't you going to invite me in Buff? It's kind of improper to let an old friend just linger on your doorstep."

She just couldn't believe her life. First Angel and of course Angelus shows up two days later. This wasn't a coincidence. Angel must have lied. He had to have been in contact with Angelus. "Oh god!" she thought. "He knows."

"Well?" He continued. "What do you say Buff?" He inched closer and closer to her and the door way. He put his hands on the wood frame to make himself even more intimidating and predator like.

She could smell that cologne that he always wore. Angel used to wear the same. A thousand memories flushed back through her.

"Angelus." She finally spit out his name.

"Good girl. You remember me and you remember how to speak. That's always a good quality to have." He mocked her.

Glancing down she saw that his foot was halfway in her house. It would be tough to shut the door in his face. Tough, but Buffy thought maybe she could.

Trying to slam the door, Angelus already knew what she was trying to do before she did. The loud 'smack' of his hand against the door hurt Buffy's ears a little bit.

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I had thought maybe this wouldn't be so hard. But then again, it is you. You always liked to do things the hard way, didn't you?"

Backing away, she turned and ran through her house to try and get to the back door before he caught her.

"Always the hard way," he thought to himself. It was okay for him though, he liked a little bit of chase.

Buffy didn't get six steps before he caught her and he grabbed her pony tail to yank her back to him.

"Oh how I've missed you lover." He whispered in her ear. Yanking her back against his hard stone like body he grasped her tight and held on to her.

Buffy had been caught off guard with him but she had envisioned what this moment would be like since she left. She had prayed that it would never come to pass but should something happen and it did, she had wanted to be prepared.

Stomping on his foot she tried to get away.

"God damn it!" he shouted. However he didn't loosen his grip on her. He spun her around to face him and slapped her face.

She hadn't been counting on that. It had been a long time since she'd been hit in the face. She tried to not let the stinging pain get to her. She would be damned if she did anything to play into Angelus' little fantasy drama he had going on in his head.

"This will go a lot easier on you Buff if you play nice." He warned her with a very sweet tone. It was the same tone Angel used to give her when he wanted something from her, which was usually her.

"Screw you Angelus." She spat back at him.

"Oh I was so hoping you'd say that." he devilishly grinned at her. She couldn't help but think if there was a devil, it lived in Angelus. She was certain without a doubt he didn't have a conscience. He had no morality, no sense of value except for himself.

Before she knew it, he had her over his shoulder and he was taking her upstairs to her bedroom. She didn't kick. She didn't scream. She didn't protest. Anything she participated in would only drive him further and egg him on. She had resigned to her fate.

How had this night started so good and peaceful turned into a hellish nightmare? It reminded her of the first time she and Angel had been together. How tender he had been with her during the actual love-making part and then a complete ass to her a few hours later. He had broken her heart in a thousand pieces and he toyed with them. Making her think that it would finally be whole again and then bam!

'Thud'. She felt her bed bounce underneath her. Angelus climbed on top of her, straddling her. He flicked his long trench coat behind him. Pinning her arms above her head, he saw her breasts rise from her tank top she was wearing.

"You always were a tease Buff. Always flaunting that little hot little body around our apartment. Hearing you moan and whimper at the touch of my brother. You never were quiet, were you, lover?" He asked rhetorically. "You drove me insane!"

"Oh and you weren't already buckets-o-crazy?" she mouthed back at him.

'Slap!' right across the face. Buffy had braced herself for that one. She was going to have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow if she went to school. His slap was hard but with his ring it made it worse. It made her dizzy for a few moments. Before she knew it, Angelus had tied her arms down to her bedposts so she couldn't escape.

He was busy tying down her legs when she finally looked back at him. "Oh good. I thought maybe I'd hit you a little too hard."

"How did you find me?" she wondered as he finished tying her down. She panicked. Anything to keep him talking and not doing whatever it was he was planning on doing.

"How did I find you? Now, where to begin? Well, my dear, the answer is simple: Angel. You see, that whole 'on-line' thing? It's really easy to track down people and profiles. You leave a trail."

"So, I've been talking to you this entire time?" she was confused at what he was getting at.

"No. It was your beloved 'Angel'" he mocked his brothers name. "See, he stopped speaking to me, but that didn't stop me from tracking him and his life. It really helped that he told no one in his new life that he had a twin brother!" he laughed.

"I read your little on-line chats and I must say, you two are dumb! How you two didn't figure out who the other was, is unbelievable! You mentioned going to Sunnydale High, so I checked it out just to be sure. But you are a clever little girl. You used your full name on your transcripts."

"Elizabeth." She answered.

"You almost had me at that one Buff. But, your birthday was the same. So I came to Sunnydale to see for myself if it was you. I lurked around town. You never noticed me. Too busy playing Barbie doll to that tool of a boyfriend of yours. So imagine my surprise when my other half showed up at your doorstep the other night. I had planned on surprising you with my visit on that night but what a turn of events! You just made it so much easier for me to get into your life by letting him back into yours."

"That note? It was from you." She put it all together.

"Very good lover," he commanded her. He thought maybe she had forgotten his little love note.

With that he pressed his hard lips against hers. Crushing her tongue with his, he dominated.

Just as he was unbuttoning her shirt, he heard a knock at the door. "Buffy!" he heard a faint male voice. "I know you're home! I see the tv on pause!"

"I don't care who it is, you make one sound and I swear, I will rip their head off and give you the pleasure of watching them die, do you understand me?"

She nodded her head. "Even if it's Angel?"

"Especially if it's Angel. Now, be a good girl." He warned her as he stepped out of her bedroom.

Angelus very slowly walked down her steps. If it was Angel at the door, that changed his plan. He could improvise. He had actually wanted Angel to watch as he fucked Buffy. He had it coming as Angel had mocked him so many years ago with the opposite. It hadn't been a coincidence the day Angelus walked in on Angel and Buffy making love. Angelus had seen Buffy. Wanted her to be his, only his. Then Angel got his hands on her. Tainted her.

It drove him nuts all of their fucking and happiness. So, Angelus devised a plan to make Angel into a bastard. It really was quite easy. Being Irishman didn't take much to get both of them drunk but when Angel was drunk he let out his inner demon. Always had a temper, Angelus thought to himself. He just buried it deep, where as Angelus let his out in the open and run freely.

The plan was simple enough: Get Angel to be a drunken bastard. Buffy will leave him.

Angelus didn't want her after she had been with Angel, but he'd be damned if he continued to let his brother have her.

What Angelus didn't count on was Buffy still sticking around after Angel was a dick to her. The girl really didn't have any self worth and was stupidly in love with him! After months, he just couldn't take it anymore. All of her cute little outfits, her defiance against him in particular, he just snapped.

So after witnessing another gigantic fight between the two of them, Angelus followed Buffy out of the party…That's when he knew, he had to have her all to himself. One little taste he thought would satisfy his craving only intensified it.

Shaken out of his thoughts by the obnoxious ass pounding on the door, he continued on his trek. He braced himself to see his face on the other side of the door.

Angelus opened the door, not to find Angel, but Ford.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"Can I help you?" Angelus asked in his most Angel-y sounding voice.

"Yeah, I'm here to see Buffy and if I were you Angel, I'd let me in."

"Well, here's the thing Ford. Buffy's upstairs. You ah, you actually were interrupting a very special moment between me and my girl. So if I was you, I wouldn't want to come in."

"Look, I don't like you. I don't know what game you're playing with Buffy, but I promise you, I'm going to figure it out. I can't change that she wants you in her life right now for whatever reason, but I will show her that you haven't changed and she will see you for the controlling, manipulative, son of a bitch, I know you are, and deep down she knows you are."

Angelus had to give this guy some credit. He had balls. At least Buffy didn't pick someone like that Xander friend of hers to go out with.

"Dutifully noted." Angelus said as he shut the door in Ford's face.

"Now, where were we, lover?" Angelus thought to himself.

Outside

Ford just couldn't understand it. How could Buffy claim to be so in love with him and then be intimate with a man she claimed hurt her so badly?

"Ford," he heard a man say as he was lost in a trance.

"What are you doing here?" the man asked him.

Ford looked up and saw Angel staring at him. Now he was utterly confused. His blood started to boil, thinking about this man hurting *his* Buffy. His beautiful girlfriend.

"Don't you have a 'special moment' to get back to?" he spat in Angel's face.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Angel asked him.

"Oh don't play dumb! What'd you do, follow me to make sure I wouldn't interrupt you and Buffy again?"

"Okay Ford, I clearly have no idea what you're talking about, but I think it's time you get some rest," Angel said as he tried to walk away from the situation.

"Oh come on Angel! Don't mock me! I just saw you. You told me you were having a nice moment with Buffy and I interrupted and now you decided to follow me to taunt me!" Ford accused him.

"Ford, I wasn't at Buffy's house just now. I swear. You must have just thought it was me."

"Well, either you have an identical twin out there or you're full of it!" Ford stormed off.

Little did Ford know, Angel did have an identical twin. With a rush of urgency Angel took off for Buffy's house. He got to her front door and heard something break. Not waiting to knock he broke down the door and raced upstairs.

"Buffy!" He shouted as he got to her door.

Shoving it open, there he was. His twin brother. Angelus. He had Buffy pinned down naked as he thrust himself inside her. Angel could see the fear in her eyes. She looked so helpless and lost.

"Get the hell off of her Angelus." Angel sneered.

"There he is! Our lovely audience for the night." Angelus took himself out of Buffy and he could see her trembling at the loss. Whispering in Buffy's ear, he promised her, "I'll be back love,"

Angelus took the sheet completely exposing Buffy's naked body and left her trembling from the loss of heat.

"Hello, brother." Angelus greeted.

"Let her go Angelus." Angel growled at his brother.

The two men stood side by side. To the untrained eye, they did look identical. Buffy knew better though. Even though they both had the same tattoo in the same place on their back, Buffy could spot the differences in them easily. Angelus seemed to have a more 'put together' look, he always stood perfectly straight. Angel had a bit of a slouch to his posture. Angel had a teeny tiny scar on his upper deltoid area from a fight with Angelus.

Buffy couldn't tell who threw the first punch but watching the two of them fight was odd. Angelus had a slightly bigger build than Angel but Angel had always been more scrappy, more resourceful as a fighter. She used to love watching him work out in the gym.

The two became winded after a short while. Angelus got the upper hand and had Angel knocked to the ground near Buffy's window. He leaned down on top of his "little" brother and punched him a few times.

"Now, I want you to listen very closely brother. I want you to listen as I fuck the woman you love and have her call out 'my' name!"

"You are so sick Angelus. This isn't about Buffy. This is about you and me." Angel tried to distract his big bro from going to his…whatever Buffy was to him.

"No dear brother. That's where you're wrong. This IS about Buffy. You just never wanted to admit that you stole her from me!"

Buffy looked so confused as she watched this family drama play out. She had never met Angelus before dating Angel.

"I didn't-" before Angel could finish Angelus kicked him and raged in opposition.

"Bullshit!" Walking over to Buffy, he hadn't forgotten about her. He licked his fingers and shoved them inside her core.

She gasped at the intrusion.

"You knew Angel. You knew that I was going to make my move on her and then you swooped in and took her by surprise. I had told you everything about this girl. This girl that I had seen out with her friends that looked beautiful in the shining sun. That looked so innocent and how I wanted to take her and show her the wonderful pleasures life can offer." Angelus added with a bit of possessiveness in his voice.

"I was going to make her mine Angel!"

Buffy couldn't stop the sea of emotions going on inside her. Angelus was so skillful at bringing her to a climax and then pulling away right before she could explode. And she was the tease?

Finally he let her have one after she let out music to his ears. The tiniest little whimper she could have ever imagined escaped her beautiful lips and Angelus relished in every second of it. She almost wanted to black out after the release, as tiny as it was.

In a haze, Buffy remembered the night she met Angelus. She knew something was off with him right at the beginning. The things he said to her that night had always confused her and haunted her.

Three years ago…

Angelus walked into his apartment after the very long day he'd had. While his "perfect" brother went to school and still managed to work at the shop, Angelus primarily worked at the auto shop.

"Angel! You are not going to believe what the douche bag with the Benz said to me today!" Angelus shouted as he took off his shirt and shoes. He walked over to the kitchen to grab himself a beer when he heard the sound of a woman coming from his brothers bedroom. Coming she was, Angelus thought to himself.

Angelus walked over to Angel's door. He'd just left it cracked enough for Angelus to peer in. Not that Angelus really wanted to watch his brother have sex, but he just wanted to see what the girl looked like. That way he'd know better than to have Angel's sloppy seconds.

Seeing her with him instantly made him see red. Angel had crossed a line. He knew that Angelus had been waiting for this golden haired goddess. Seeing her with Angel, goddess she was indeed.

Deciding to not play fair since Angel didn't, Angelus kicked the door in and shouted, "I'm home!"

Buffy was in an instant panic trying to grab her clothes to cover her naked body from this strange man that just entered her boyfriends apartment. When she looked at him and saw Angel's face she got confused.

"Buffy, I want you to meet my twin brother, Angelus." Angel didn't seem the least bit shocked by his brother's behavior only slightly annoyed that he hadn't come himself yet.

"It's nice to meet you," Buffy greeted him with a hand to shake as she held onto her clothes covering her body.

He looked like this was the last thing he wanted to do and appeared bored that they were even having this conversation.

"Whatever." He mumbled and went about his business. He turned to look back at her with a knowing glance.

"Rude, much?" Buffy quipped. As Buffy rambled Angel's eyes locked onto his brothers. The saying, "if looks could kill", would have been the understatement of the year with the death glares Angelus was throwing.

"No offense babe, but, your brother? Kinda gives me the creepy crawlies."

Only Angel knew just how creepy Angelus could be. "You just have to get to know him," Angel assured her it wasn't anything to do with her.

"I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything?" Angel offered her. She shook her head no and smiled.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Angelus argued with Angel once he left the bedroom and was in the kitchen getting a beer.

"What do you mean?" Angel inquired sheepishly.

"You know what I mean little brother. Buffy was mine." Angelus fought.

Angelus peered into his brothers eyes for an explanation. The only thing he got with a little condescending chuckle, Angel simply said, "I know" and walked off to get back to Buffy.

Challenging him now would be a mistake, Angelus pondered. However, a plan to drive them apart would be just the ticket. "Look at them, all sweet and full of hope in their relationship. If only she knew just how violent we can be…" Angelus thought to himself.

An evil grin graced his fair face and he started to develop a plan.

"Now you will have to watch as she becomes mine!" Angelus declared as he kicked Angel again while he was down.

Buffy wanted to gag. The way they were talking about her, like she was something to be owned. It was like they were five and had to share a GI Joe doll- action figure all over again. That's all she was to them. Just something to play with, to toy around and see how many hoops she could jump through.

"Please stop Angelus. This is ridiculous! This happened *years* ago! Just let it go already!" Angel tried to convince his psychotic brother to stop torturing Buffy. "You know I love her."

"I do brother," Angelus answered as sinisterly as possible. "That's why I devised this plan to tear the two of you apart. I thought I had when she left."

"You know, that's one thing Buffy, I was always curious about. Why did you leave when you did? That's one question I would like an answer to." He threatened.

Buffy went to open her mouth and was cut off before she even started, "Don't lie to me Buff. I will know if you are."

"I caught Angel with Faith," Buffy blurted out. Buffy gave Angel a glance that said, "I didn't lie, I just didn't omit the whole truth."

Angelus looked over at his brother in disbelief. Angel? Betray Buffy? Sure he'd be a dick and possibly smack her around a little bit but a cheater? Even in his most drunken state Angel had never cheated before.

"Well, well…" Angelus lingered. "How the mighty have fallen!" he couldn't help but chuckle a little bit.

Looking back at Buffy he simply looked at her. Her disheveled hair. Her naked body shivering from the loss of a sheet. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"What else?" Angelus inquired.

"Nothing!" Angel shouted in her defense.

Angelus smacked Buffy across the face. "I asked Buffy a question." Angelus clarified. Angel looked at her with sympathy. He mouthed "I'm sorry."

Buffy looked back at Angelus defiantly. She finally decided enough was enough. She wasn't going to continue to be a victim. Angelus had done enough to her over the years, she wasn't about to take anymore of this shit.

There she is, Angelus thought. The feisty girl he'd come to obsess over. He could see it in her eyes. They had that little twinkle in them. Oh how he longed to break her for himself.

"Well?" He asked.

Angel shook his head behind his brother. "Don't" he mouthed.

Looking him straight in the eye Buffy looked at her tormentor and made a declaration she never thought she'd make.

"I was pregnant!"


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Angelus was sure he just heard her wrong. Either that or she really was just trying to come up with anything that came out of her mouth.

"I thought I told you not to lie to me." He threatened as he grabbed her throat in a choke hold.

Smugly, Buffy looked at him, "I'm not! I had an abortion."

Disbelieving her, "Buff! What kind of idiot do you take me for? There is no way in hell back then, you would have terminated a pregnancy with Angel's child growing in you!"

Shaking her head, "You're right. I probably wouldn't have. But…" she paused and saw the triumph from Angelus' eyes slightly fade. "You and I both know that Angel wasn't the only one that I had _been_ with at the time." She spit out the word "been" as if it tasted like vomit on her mouth.

Angel just closed his eyes and waited for Angelus to make his move on Buffy. She was playing with fire and she knew it. Apparently though, she didn't seem to be so scared of Angelus anymore.

"What are you saying Buff?" Angelus wanted to know as he got up from next to her off of her bed.

Angel was down, but Angelus should have known never to count him out in a fight. Without thinking, as soon as Angelus' feet were off of Buffy's bed and on the floor next to him, Angel kicked them out from underneath. Rolling on top of him, Angel got to give back some of the punches Angelus had given him.

Angelus had been caught off guard and with Angel's punches was slightly knocked out. Enough for him to not see Angel grab something off of Buffy's bed table.

His eyes widened when he saw Angel about to stab him with a pair of scissors. Stopping his blow, Angelus kneed his brother in the groin and knocked the scissors out of his hands. Angel, taken by surprise, was then kicked back into Buffy's desk and broke her lamp.

Angelus must not have realized he knocked the scissors on Buffy's bed. Her eyes widened at the possibility of getting out of these stupid bonds. Quickly she tried to develop a plan.

"Angelus?" she asked.

Instantly he turned around at the sound of his name coming from her sweet voice. His attack on his brother ceased for the moment.

"Oh, don't think I'd forgotten about you."

"I would never," she played along.

Angelus kicked his brother in the face before he walked over to his lady in waiting. Buffy was sure Angel really was out this time. She'd just have to do this without him. "What else is new?" she aimlessly thought.

Grabbing her face, he made her look him straight in the eye, "Now, back to the subject at hand shall we? You weren't trying to tell me that you killed our baby now did you?"

"No," she lied. "It was Angel's," she continued on her deceiving path. In all honesty, it probably was Angel's, but she'd never say that out loud. "I just didn't want there to ever be any speculation about that with us,"

"Us?" he asked.

"Kiss me Angelus." She demanded of him.

Happy to oblige, he leaned over and ravaged her mouth with expertise. Doing everything to keep up this charade and not gag all over his mouth, she broke for air and sweetly asked him, "Please untie me? That way I can feel you?"

Angelus, skeptical of what she was up to, gave her a warning, "You better be a good girl,"

Nodding her head in compliance, he untied her arms and instantly shoved her down on the bed. Dominating her completely, he wrapped his arms around her body, and she responded. Angelus could have been on cloud nine. Kissing her, feeling her body wiggle against his, he thought he'd never have Buffy like this again.

Not one to wait, he instantly was inside her. Buffy hadn't expected that so soon. Against everything that wanted her to scream "rape", she matched his thrusts and soon felt herself getting close to coming. Gods, she was sick, she thought.

"Looks like I don't repulse you as much as you thought, lover,"

"Shut up and kiss me," she demanded of him.

Distracting him, Buffy reached for the scissors still next to her thigh. She could tell he was getting close. His face was getting all hot and finally, he did. He let it all go inside her.

In a second, Buffy stabbed him in the back with her scissors.

His whole body went limp. He let out a tiny whisper of the word "bitch" before Buffy shoved him off of her and he hit the floor.

Untying her legs, she grabbed a blanket and grabbed the phone. Quickly dialing 911 she waited for the operator to answer. Finally she did. Checking on Angel who was still out cold, she told the lady that there had been an attacker in her house and she needed an ambulance.

Come on Angel, Buffy thought. "Please be okay."


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

A week later….

Buffy hadn't been to school since the night Angelus had been there. Willow, Xander, Ford, even Cordelia had stopped by to see if she was okay.

Willow had wanted to just pig out, watch movies. Just be. Buffy definitely appreciated that. Xander, however had wanted Buffy to get back out there, go to the Bronze, move on. Cordelia…Cordy had said something somewhat nice to her.

Ford was another story. Ford had come by her house the day after it happened. He apologized for not pushing harder to see her that night Angelus answered the door. He wanted to talk with Buffy about it. He had been so very apologetic about the way he handled things with them. Had he not given up so quickly, perhaps it wouldn't have happened. Buffy's heart had melted when Ford told her that he still loved her.

"I still love you Ford," she silently wept. "But," she continued.

"Now's not the right time," he concluded on his own.

Buffy could only hold back her tears as best she could as she nodded her head. When he left, he simply kissed her on the head and gave her his support.

"If there's anything you need Summers, you just give me a holler," he graciously offered.

"Thank you," was all she could simply tell him as he walked out of her house.

Angel had stopped by but she never answered the door for him. Seeing his face, the same face as his brother, it was just too much for Buffy to bear. It was bad enough the shock of still seeing him, but, with everything with Angelus, she had instantly started having nightmares.

She had nightmares every night that week; nightmares that things could have gone worse with Angelus and Angel had not arrived. She had nightmares that it was still that night and he was toying with her just for his amusement. She had nightmares that he had killed Angel.

The worst nightmare she had was the one she had the night right after the attack.

She simply dreamt about the possibility. The possibility that Angelus had gotten to her "first". Where would she have been in her life? Would she still be alive with the way Angelus led his life? Would she have fallen in love with him instead of Angel? A million and one "what if" scenarios played out in her dreams. What if she hadn't terminated her pregnancy? What if she never caught Angel with Faith? So many little things in her life that lead to where she was now.

Buffy had woken up with a headache that first morning. She had been amazed she'd been able to sleep at all, but she was so physically, mentally and emotionally drained. She couldn't even watch tv, it was too exhausting for her.

Willow had been there to help. She had taken Buffy home that night from the hospital and helped her fall asleep. Buffy hadn't wanted to talk about what happened. She just had this blank look on her face. She didn't cry, she didn't do anything except stare into nothingness.

"You were literally screaming Buffy," Willow admitted to her best friend. "I tried everything to calm you down and wake you up but, nothing worked,"

To say she was terrified the first few nights afterwards would have been an understatement. Her parents were still not home even though she'd called them from the hospital and kinda told them what happened. All she said was that she was attacked, which was the truth. She left out the being raped *again* and the dead body parts.

That was something in itself. Angelus really was dead. Knowing she killed him, seeing his dead body in the morgue, still didn't satisfy Buffy. She still felt like he was going to jump out at her, show up at her door, like he had that night with that stupid smirk on his face.

After a couple of days, Willow suggested that Xander and Cordelia come over to sit and hang out. She promised they would behave themselves. Buffy agreed it would be nice to see them. She did miss them.

When they arrived, Xander instantly went for snacks. Cordy plopped her butt on the couch and started rambling about something that happened at cheerleader practice. As if Buffy really needed to hear stupid gossip.

Rolling her eyes, Buffy realized, "Cordelia will never change,"

Xander came back, "I'm popcorn man!" he declared with an abundance of pride as he held the bowl out in his hand for all to share.

"Willow, why don't you pick out the movie?" Buffy asked as she went in her kitchen to get a soda.

"Okie doke," Willow agreed with a grin.

Slowly walking into her kitchen Buffy had to breathe by herself for a minute. Closing her eyes, she calmed herself and went to the fridge.

She jumped when there was a knock at the door.

Looking in the window, she saw Angel.

Gasping at his sudden appearance, she took a deep breath and decided the time had come for them to talk face to face.

Slowly, opening the door, she peered outside and greeted him, "Hello,"

"Hi," he said kind of stupidly. Moving, so she could pass by him, he leaned back against the back of her house as she stood with the door shut, but her hand still on the knob.

"How are you?" he asked, again, stupidly. "That's a stupid question," he blurted out right after he asked.

Nodding her head, she agreed, it was a stupid question. "The gang's here. They've been coming by to see me one by one like little marching ants, but we're finally all hanging out together,"

He couldn't make eye contact with her.

"Buffy," he started. He had been playing with a blade of grass in his hand and he finally just ripped it in half and dropped it to the ground to avoid the awkwardness.

"Ford came and saw me," she continued. "He came to check on me. After the way everything happened, he wanted me to know he was still here," she rambled on almost mindlessly. It was if she was processing everything that happened the last few days out loud.

Shaking his head, "Buffy," he started again. "I…" he trailed.

"You what?" she asked with a blank tone. There was no emotion behind her words. Not hurt or anger or compassion. Nothing.

Taking a moment, "To say I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you is the understatement of the entire history of the universe."

She nodded in agreement.

"What happened with us a long time ago, I desperately want to make up to you. To show you that I'm not that same guy,"

"I know you're not," she interrupted him.

Confused, "How? How could you know that? We've barely seen each other since I came back last week,"

Carefully choosing her words, she informed him, "Angel? I know you're not the same guy because the guy that you used to be, wouldn't have come to my rescue. He wouldn't have fought Angelus with everything he had in him to save me. He would have just let it happen so long as he got his turn later and could be piss poor drunk the whole time."

She honestly wanted to put her hand on his shoulder, but, she just wasn't ready for physical contact with him.

"Still," he continued. "I stayed in Sunnydale in the hopes of making amends with you and yes, even though I promised I wouldn't break you and Ford up, I still wanted to because when I'm near you, I feel like I'm home," he poured his heart out to her.

Buffy's eyes began to tear up. She was so conflicted. She desperately wanted to feel him, to feel like he used to, her home. But, it seemed like any time they spent together wound up being an apocalyptic episode.

"Angel, please stop," she practically begged him.

"I love you Buffy," he declared finally looking her in the eyes. "I'm not telling you this to upset you or to win you back. I'm telling you because it's how I feel about you and I want you to know."

Wiping her tears from her face, as courageously as she could, "There was a time when I loved hearing those words from you. But, we are toxic together Angel. Every time we're together something cataclysmic happens and I am not strong enough to handle another wave."

"I agree," he concurred.

She was a little shocked when he said that. Not to mention now confused. What was he getting at?

"That's why I'm leaving," he admitted. "I wanted to apologize for everything and come and say goodbye."

"Oh," she simply said.

"Don't worry, I won't be coming back to find you," he reassured her.

Her emerald eyes widened as she finally noticed the black tote bag on the ground next to him. He was leaving now. Choking back the lump in her throat, she simply said, "goodbye Angel".

As he picked up his bag he staggered off back into the darkness behind her house. Turning back around before she could go back inside to her friends, he called out, "Buffy?"

"Yeah?" she turned back to look at him.

Mustering up the courage, he said something he never thought he'd tell her. "Make things right with Ford. He's a good guy. You deserve someone like him,"

Buffy didn't respond. She knew he was right. Ford was a good guy. He had been who she needed at a crucial time in her life. He had been there for her and she had fallen in love with him. But, she had changed. She wasn't sure if her feelings for him had shifted or not. She and Angel had had a moment last week where she almost kissed him, but backed out of it for fear of realizing Angel truly was the one she was meant to be with. There was only one way to be sure now; she had to kiss him.

Looking down at the door handle, she closed her eyes and cursed herself for what she was about to do. Looking back up, she meant to find Angel, only he had already gone.

There was no trace of him anywhere.

A small sense of relief washed over her and she finally stepped back inside her house, her safe haven. Her palace with all of her friends included.

"Where'd you go?" Willow asked as she entered the kitchen, noticing Buffy coming in from outside.

"Hey, um, Angel stopped by," she recanted.

"What did he want?" Willow asked slightly intrigued.

Closing the door behind her, she admitted, "He wanted closure."

"And you didn't?" Willow asked concerned.

Sighing, Buffy grabbed her best friend around her waist and pulled her in for a giant hug. "I've got everything that I want right here in this house. I've got you and Xander and sometimes Cordy,"

"And Ford?"

"Ford's here?" Buffy asked interested.

Nodding her red head, Willow informed Buffy that Ford had arrived moments after Buffy must've gone outside to see Angel.

"Hey!" Ford called from the living room, giving Buffy a typical "what's up?" head nod. A small smile crept on her face as she saw him. But she noticed now there was a small ache in her heart and she knew who it was for. But…he was gone. And Buffy knew this time, he wasn't coming back to find her.


End file.
